


needs

by etheralhaz



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Depressed Harry, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Harry, Rehabilitation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 19:14:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 29,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30009636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etheralhaz/pseuds/etheralhaz
Summary: louis is a drug addict. harry is pregnant.
Relationships: Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Kudos: 5





	1. prologue

louis is seriously fucked up.

his daily routine consists of getting up in the morning, going into the living room, and then sitting on the couch and smoking weed until he passes out. sometimes it's not weed - he's experimented with most drugs and he most certainly will keep doing them - and sometimes his boyfriend gets to come home from work and see him all drowsy on the floor. sometimes he's not even breathing, and harry can't even call an ambulance to make sure he's still alive, because they'll take him to some rehab habilitation and harry won't get to see him for a while. as much as it hurts to sit there and wait for louis to either wake up or start breathing again, he can't change anything. he can't get louis help, he can't ever go one day without worrying about the love of his life overdosing, he can't even go to work without having at least one anxiety attack a day.

it's all louis' fault. but harry will never ever say that out loud.

one night, harry comes home from work with tears streaming down his cheeks and a bunch of papers in his hands. he always has paperwork to do, it's all he does, but his boss piled a bunch of it on him today because he wasn't doing any of it during the work day. he was slacking off, and this is his punishment.

it's loud in the house; there's some type of indie music blasting in the living room and it's hurting harry's head so much. the curly-haired boy slams the papers down on the kitchen island and kicks off his shoes, sniffling and wrinkling his nose at the smell of something like burning rubber or chemicals. he's about to call out for louis, make sure he's still alive, but before he can, louis stumbles out of the living room and into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around harry's waist, "hiiiii," he grins wildly.

harry can see the white powder underneath louis' nose, and his eyes are so bloodshot they don't even look real. he sniffles again, wiping his tears away with the backs of his hands, "hi, lou," he mutters, voice wary. his head his pounding, every beat of the music hurts so bad it makes him want to cry all over again, "c-can you turn the music down, please? my head hurts."

louis furrows his eyebrows, "you don't like my music?" he frowns, "besides, you gotta relax, jerry, you just got home."

louis can't even remember his boyfriend's name. that's what hurts harry the most. he starts crying again before he can help it, and louis doesn't even notice, just starts kissing all over his neck, trying to give him hickeys. harry stops him before he can do anything else, "stop," he sobs, pushing louis away. he grabs his papers and scurries into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him and flinging himself onto the bed, sobbing hysterically.

louis needs to get his life in order before harry's goes to shit, as well.


	2. one

harry's sitting in the bathroom at liam and zayn's house, tears streaming down his rosy cheeks. he's been feeling sick for a couple of weeks now, and never thought anything of it. he just figured he couldn't take the stench of louis' drugs or maybe he ate something bad and had to throw it up. but he went to liam's house and told them about it, and the couple suggested he take a pregnancy test.

harry furrows his eyebrows, tears brimming at his waterline.

"but i can't be," he shakes his head, "th-there's no way-"

liam reaches forward and brushes harry's curls off his forehead, feeling the temperature of his skin with the back of his hand, "we're not saying you are, h," he reassures, "maybe you just have the flu or summat. i'll run to the store and get you a test, love. no worries."

harry nods, curling in on himself on the couch, "okay," he croaks, wiping his falling tears away. zayn sits down next to him, patting him on the back and trying to stop him from crying. he kisses liam on the lips and then liam leaves, slipping his shoes on before he walks out the front door.

god, harry is so, so thankful for his friends. they're always there for him through thick and thin and they're always trying to get louis the help that he needs. no matter what happens, they're always there for each other. always.

"hey, harry?" zayn speaks up, ruining the uncomfortable silence. harry hums, and zayn takes it as an okay to continue, "uh, when was the last time louis was sober?" he asks.

harry swallows thickly, and zayn hears it, "i dunno," he sniffles, shrugging, "he never is when i get home."

"i'm not saying you are," his hand goes to harry's back, rubbing it softly, and he looks down at harry's stomach, "but if you're pregnant, louis needs to shapen up. there's no way you guys can stay together and have a baby together if he's gonna sit on his ass all day and do drugs."

the curly-haired boy whimpers, and his bottom lip trembles. his eyes get so shiny, and zayn brings him into a tight hug before he can see him cry, "i-i dunno what to do," he sobs, breath hitching, "it's not like i c-can make him get help. h-he doesn't listen, zayn, he n-never does. he doesn't even kn-know my name anymore."

"harry," the tall man coos, "he loves you, h. so, so much. he's not trying to forget your name or  
treat you like shit. those drugs are messing with his head. he would never want to do anything to hurt you."

they sit there for quite some time, just letting harry cry everything out. he cries a lot - nobody even thinks about calling him out for that.

the front door unlocks, and opens, and liam walks in with a grocery bag. he grabs harry's hand, helping him up and leading him into the bathroom down the hallway. harry sniffles, watching as liam dumps the contents of the bag onto the counter. there's a bunch of pregnancy tests, and he opens the boxes for them before handing one to harry, "take every single one of these," he whispers, "come back into the living room when you're done, okay, h?"

so, harry takes all ten tests , and then he sits on the floor, hiding his face in his knees. he has his phone on the floor next to him, with a timer for two minutes.

it's the longest two minutes of his life.

when the timer on his phone goes off, he pulls himself up off the floor and closes his eyes before he can see all the tests on the counter.

his heart is pounding so fast he can barely breathe, and he counts down in his head for when he's gonna open his eyes and look. look to see if him and louis are gonna have a baby, or look to see that he's not pregnant and he's just coming down with something.

three. two. one.

oh fuck.

every single test is positive.

he grabs just one of them, running his thumb over the two pink lines, and he's crying again. he walks out of the room, going down the hallway and into the living room, where liam and zayn are sitting. harry looks over at them with tears streaming down his cheeks, and liam opens his arms and lets harry collapse into them and sob into his shoulder.

zayn takes the test out of harry's shaking hand and replaces it with his own hand, kissing the back of harry's hand with a frown on his face.

harry's wheezing through his sobs, struggling to breathe, and liam tightens his arms around harry's waist, bringing one hand up to run his fingers through his hair, "breathe, hazza," he whispers, "it's gonna be okay. you're gonna get yourself sick, love."

he's shaking so bad, zayn notices, and he feels so bad that he can't help him.

"i-i need lou-louis," harry hiccups, sobbing hysterically, "please," he chokes.

"louis' not gonna answer his phone, h," zayn shakes his head, "please breathe, lovey. take care of yourself, it's not good for the baby."

that just makes him cry even harder. he's had a hard time worrying about himself but now he has to worry about himself and a baby.

he's so screwed.


	3. two

"there's a baby in me," harry murmurs as he stands at the kitchen counter, with zayn. liam left to go somewhere, out of town or something, he doesn't really know, so it's just the two of them. "like, a human. lou's gonna flip if i tell him."

zayn nods, puts a hand on his back when he sneaks past him to grab a fork out of the silverware drawer. "i know," he murmurs, sets the fork down on the counter next to the plate, that's soon to be harry's. he looks over at him with a concerned expression on his face. "how are you feeling? how do you think you're gonna tell him?" he asks, because he's curious. the waffles in the waffle maker are very close to being done, and when the timer beeps for him to open the machine, he gets the breakfast out and sets them onto a big plate, which he puts in the middle of the island counter as he listens attentively to harry speak.

"i dunno," the curly-haired boy shrugs timidly, and he's got rosy cheeks and a pout on his pretty lips. he thanks zayn when he helps him to one of the various chairs around the counter, and then he continues to talk while he waits for his food. "maybe if he'd listen to me for once, or be sober. plus he isn't home a lot, so."

the man sighs, slides the plate of waffles and syrup over to harry, who thanks him once again. "i think it would be best to tell him when he's hungover or something," he suggests, and harry tilts his head sideways at him. "that's probably when he's most attentive toward you, right?" he asks.

but harry shrugs once again. "sometimes," he mutters. "other times he pushes me away and tells me i'm annoying and stuff."

"what a dick," the raven-haired boy huffs under his breath. he cuts up pieces of his waffle and drizzles the syrup over them all, and then he points at harry. "you know you're not gonna be in the wrong if you, uh, leave him, or something," he tells him, and when harry's eyes widen, he shakes his head. "i'm not saying you need to or anything," he reassures. "just, if you feel safer without him, you have me and liam."

the boy nods, even though he still looks a bit panicked. "um, i-i guess i'll think about it," he murmurs, starts to eat just a little bit. he doesn't really have much of an appetite after zayn said that, really.

zayn notices harry's hands are shaking as he sets his fork down on the plate and puts one against his own face. he frowns, and he sees the poor boy's bottom lip quiver a tad, so he walks around the counter to be next to him and he places a hand on his back once again and that's when harry starts choking up. the boy wraps his arms around his middle, and buries his face in his abdomen, since he's still sitting down and zayn is standing, and zayn holds him by the back of his head, stroking his unruly curls while he quivers in sadness. "i didn't mean you should leave him if you don't want to," he shakes his head as he speaks to him in a hushed tone. "'m sorry, haz. i shouldn't have even said anything. i love louis, so does liam, i just want you to be safe. the baby, too. especially when he does all this shit at home and pollutes the air with that smoke."

harry just sniffles and tries to stop the tears from gushing down his rosy cheeks. "wh-what if he leaves?" he asks, voice muffled by the jumper in his face. "what am i gonna do if he leaves? or dies or something?" he hiccups. "zayn, i can't live without-"

"harry, what has louis done for you in the last month besides make you cry?" he asks him, getting a bit irritated. "has he even done anything good for you since he started using?"

the curly-haired, crying boy looks up at his best friend with snot coming from his nose and wet, salty cheeks. "he got me pregnant," he says to him. he wipes at his wet face with the sleeve of his hoodie and pulls away so he can just sit there, not touching the other boy at all. "maybe that will make him l-love me," he mutters, crosses his arms over his chest as those tears still fall down his freckled cheeks.

zayn shakes his head, reaches forward to grab his shaky hand or something, but harry continues to steam and stay back, away from him. "i seriously doubt that will make you guys any better," he retorts. "i think that would only make him more miserable."

"you don't know shit about me and louis," harry replies, voice full of hurt. he hiccups, wipes at his eyes again. he can see zayn open his mouth and go to say something mean back, but he stands up and leaves the room, going to the guest bedroom, where he's been sleeping for two days now. he could go home, but he's not sure he wants to see louis right now. louis would just call him the wrong name again  
and then try to kiss him or something, like always.

harry doesn't even fall asleep when he gets in the bedroom, just slams the door shut and lays on his side, curled up in a ball, crying. he can't even lay on his stomach anymore, which is where he usually lays when he has these breakdowns like this.

is harry really the one making louis' life miserable? why didn't anybody tell him this when he asked what the problem was?


	4. three

this baby is getting way too hard to hide.

harry's belly has definitely gotten bigger. he's been throwing up every morning (and night - he had no idea morning sickness could be at any time of the day). and for some reason he really wants strawberries dipped in peanut butter.

but he can't tell louis. louis has to straighten out his life first.

it's official. harry's life sucks.

today, however, louis is sober. he's been in bed all day, resting because the alcohol from the previous night gave him a massive headache, and he hasn't had the chance to pick up even a cigarette today. harry's glad.

so, harry walks into the bedroom with one of louis' jumpers on. an old jumper that's extremely large on his body, which is a good thing. he climbs into bed, humming when louis wraps his arms around his waist. their stomaches are pressed together, and harry's heart beats out of control when louis squeezes his pudgy waist. he's gotten so much bigger since just a month and a half ago. maybe louis notices, but he doesn't bring it up.

"g'morning," harry chirps, kisses the boy's lips. louis just glances at him and then look away. it seems like he's in a trance or something, and harry feels like crying all over again. "um, zayn texted and asked if we want to go out for breakfast with him and liam," he tells him, even though he knows he's barely listening. "if you don't wanna, that's okay. we can do something else."

the older, inattentive boy blinks at his boyfriend, who's looking at him with an optimistic look on his face. he shakes his head as harry's face falls, closes his eyes and lets go of his hold on harry so he can rub at his temple. "no, i feel like shit," he mutters. "why don't you just go by yourself?" he asks. harry doesn't like his tone. it's almost as if he's getting pissed at him or something.

"well, i was kind of hoping you would come, so i wouldn't have to third-wheel," the boy replies, tries to caress his cheek and brush his fingers over the stubble on his cheeks, but he gets his hand swatted away. "why're you mad at me?" he asks, frowning.

louis huffs, turns over in bed so his back is facing the curly-haired boy. "i already said no," he grumbles out. "just leave me alone, i need to sleep."

harry sighs, sits up so he can swing his legs over the bed and get up. he can feel the tears stinging in his eyes already, and he grabs a pair of jeans (that are starting to get a little too tight) and a jumper out of their dresser drawer before leaving the room. he flips the lights off as he walks out, leaves louis in the room to just steam about him, and as soon as he throws his clothes on, he's out the door. he doesn't mean to slam it, because he knows louis is going to throw a fit about it when he gets home, but he does it anyway. who wouldn't be mad after their inconsiderate, drugged up boyfriend blew them off and acted like they didn't matter?

-

as harry parks in the parking lot of the restaurant, he looks down at his lap and realizes the button on his jeans popped open, and he throws his head back and sighs quite exasperatedly. he tries to button it back up, but it makes the space too tight and he just has to leave it open. he could've stolen some of louis' jeans, even though they're a hell of a lot longer than his are, but he never even touches anything of louis' anymore. they all smell like cigarettes and vodka.

all he can really do is pull his sweater down over the top of his pants, so he can hide it. he takes his keys out of the car and makes sure he has everything he needs before stepping out and making his way inside the restaurant. liam and zayn are sitting in the lobby, waiting for him, and when they see them, they get up and each hug him individually. harry pouts when they pull away, and zayn ruffles his hair with a little, sympathetic smile on his face.

"hey, you," he murmurs. "glad you're here, we missed you."

liam nods, agrees, and he checks in with the worker in the lobby and then they all walk in and sit down at a booth. he looks over at harry after thanking the waitress for their drinks and reaches over to grab his hand. "how've you been?" he asks.

he just shrugs a bit, and he looks at the men across from them with his mouth twisted. "i-i'm fine," he tells them, but they know he's not. they can see the drying tear stains on his cheeks from when he'd been crying on the drive here, just fed up with everything happening in his home situation. "how are you guys?"

"we're better now that you're here," zayn replies easily, so sweet. he holds liam's unoccupied arm and lays his head on his shoulder, smiling at harry.

and poor harry can't help but feel like a loner, watching two of the only people he has being all lovey-dovey with each other because they're a couple and that's what couples do. he's in a relationship, too, just not a good one. not a good one at all.

so there's yet another reason why harry barely eats any of the breakfast he orders. he eats enough to keep the baby safe and healthy and that's it. he doesn't really care about his own well-being anymore.


	5. four

harry's first instinct after finding out he's pregnant is to go to planned parenthood and get an abortion. obviously louis wants nothing to even do with his boyfriend anymore, and thinking about how badly things would get if there was a baby in the picture. he considers getting rid of it so many times and decides today's the day he's going to go to the clinic before it's too late. he can barely even muster the courage to get dressed and grab his keys to drive there, with shaky breaths and trembling hands, but he does eventually, grabbing a reasonable amount of money from his savings that he hides in the bedroom closet and making his way to the place he dreads more than his own home.

upon pulling into the parking lot, there's a couple of men and women standing outside with signs held proudly above their heads. he can feel his heart sink and his stomach flutter as he gets out of the car and catches a glimpse of the signs the group are holding. he almost turns around and goes back to get in his car and drive home, but he really wants to do this. at least, he thinks so.

he attempts to just scurry into the building without attracting their attention, but of course they notice him. they immediately start nagging him, telling him that he's a monster and a murderer and should turn back now, but he continues to just go inside, dodging their signs that are very close to hitting him in the head or something relative.

there's only one other woman sitting in the waiting room, with a rounding belly between her hips and a bored expression on her face. the boy looks at her and she gives him a little smile, to say hello, and then he goes up to the front counter to check in. he murmurs over the counter that he's there for an abortion and the receptionist gives him a sympathetic smile and nods, checking him in and letting him know he can take a seat.

he finds himself sitting right next to the pregnant woman that he'd seen only a minute earlier, and she finds some relief in being able to talk to somebody. she looks over at him with a glow on her face (he wonders if he has one of those, too) and watches his shaky hand cover his own belly with his eyebrows furrowed. "are you getting an abortion, too?" he asks, timid, as he turns his head to look at her.

she's pretty, got freckles scattered across her face and she's a bit older than him, probably in her late thirties, but the pregnancy makes her look so young, he thinks it's the glow. she shakes her head, blonde bangs flopping into her eyes, which she brushes away as she speaks. her voice is so calming, as if she's a caregiver talking to a child, or a comforting mother. "no, i'm just waiting for my sister," she tells him. "had a little pregnancy scare, she asked me to bring her here to get some birth control."

harry just nods in understanding and leans forward a little to rest his elbows on his bouncing knees. he didn't think he'd get this nervous.

the woman's smile fades as she takes in how scared the boy next to her is. "bad home life?" she asks, softly. he peers at her again and his eyes are wider than before, caught in the headlights, but he nods timidly. she shifts in her seat so her body is facing him, taking interest in him. "my name's emmalee, i'm a behavioral therapist. i can tell you want them," she motions to his stomach, which he's still holding. "and i don't want to assume, but i take it the boyfriend isn't in the picture?"

"he's fucked," harry responds, saying something, finally, after he tells her his name. he doesn't bother to look at her, too scared of maintaining eye contact with a new person. "we live together but i only see him when i get home from work and he's usually passed out on the floor with coke up his nose," he shakes his head with a nonchalant shrug. like he's just having a normal conversation. "i don't want to send him away or anything, i-i want him to get better and be there for me instead of being in some hospital."

emmalee asks him a question that makes him even more nervous and paranoid than he already had been. "does he know?" and when he shakes his head, she notices the tears threatening to build up in his bloodshot, stressed out eyes. she hesitates for a moment, and then she picks up her leather purse from off the floor and digs through it until she takes out her phone and some type of business card. she hands the card over to the timid boy and lets him take it with shaky hands. it is a business card, for her therapy sessions. "you remind me of somebody, harry. i'm willing to give your boyfriend some sessions, without sending him away or keeping him from you," she informs him, and that's when harry finally looks up at her with his pretty, bloodshot eyes widened. "i've worked with lots of addicts, most of the time i get them turned around and it's like they turn into a completely different person afterward. if you can't try and talk some sense into him, i will."

"so i can keep the baby?" harry asks, looking from his belly to the woman next to him, rapidly. she nods, and he squeezes his eyes shut and begins to cry in front of her. being pregnant really did get his hormones raging, it seems all he's been doing is crying since the day he found out. he stands up on his shaky legs and wipes the falling tears off his rosy cheeks and turns to her again. "thank you," he chokes out, and she only smiles and nods at him before he scurries out the door and back to his car, regretting his initial decision to get rid of such a beautiful, growing person living in his body.


	6. five

"i couldn't do it," harry sobs out as he steps into the house he hates entering and loves leaving. his boyfriend is standing a few feet away from him, a little tipsy from the half-empty wine bottle lying sideways on the coffee table, spilling a bit on the carpet that harry's going to have to bend over and scrub out with a towel later. there's no drugs lying around like usual, though, and he's a little relieved that he's only drunk.

louis furrows his eyebrows and leans against the wall close to him, his arms crossed over his chest. "couldn't do what?" he asks, slurring a little. the curly-haired boy can barely believe there's more than a hint of concern on his face.

he takes in a shaky, deep breath and closes his eyes so he can't see his boy's reaction to what he's about to admit. "i-i'm pregnant," he weeps, and he can find himself slowly sinking to the carpeted floor and shielding his sad face with his hands, curling his knees up as far as he can to his chest without touching his growing belly. "i'm already almost t-two months along and i-i didn't want to tell you because i don't wa-want you to leave me."

and he's even more shocked to feel the presence of louis sitting down on the floor across from him, with his own shaky hands from all the substances that've been in his body and his eyebrows still drawn together. "why would i leave?" he asks, watching harry continue to sob into his hands. he's still a bit out of it. "what couldn't you do?" he asks yet another question that harry is hesitant to answer.

"i was just at planned parenthood so i-i could get an abortion because i know you don't want the baby," he hiccups, "you don't even remember m-my name half the time," he shakes his head, and then he finally peeks up at his boyfriend with a pout on his face. "you don't even love me anymore, why would i expect you not to leave?"

louis catches sight of the small card that harry had dropped when he'd fallen to the floor, and he picks it up and stares at it, that confused look still on his pale face. harry and louis lock eyes and he reads over the card once more, not bothering to look back at the upset boy in front of him. "you wan' me to go to therapy?" he asks, still confused. harry nods and only keeps on crying, doesn't even need to explain to louis why exactly he wants him to go to therapy.

and all of a sudden louis scoots forward on his knees a little bit so he can wrap his arms around the weeping boy and let out some of his own frustrations. "i know i'm messed up," he murmurs as he hooks his chin over harry's slumped shoulder, huffs out a breath. "'m gonna get better, harry, promise. 'm gonna take you out for breakfast tuh-morrow, a-and i'll make an appointment with the therapist. okay?"

"i-i don't need breakfast," harry shakes his head, struggles to breathe. he pulls away to look him in his dark eyes, that used to look into his own so many times, bright, loving, caring. now he feels like he's staring into a dead body. "jus' you. just hold me for a second, please."

louis does hold him, closer than he's held him in a long long time. the last time he'd even embraced him or let him cry on him was months ago. harry is still crying but he's got a hopeful, timid smile on his face and a happy feeling in his heart. he snivels for a minute or two more, enjoying the warmth against his usually cold, trembling body, crying a few happy tears because he realizes louis had just promised to get help. his whole day has been a train-wreck, and getting home and hearing his boyfriend call him by his actual name makes him so relieved.

the crying boy hiccups, voice muffled by his lover's sweater. "i love you so much," he weeps, shaky hands gripping onto the fabric. "and i miss you every time y-you get high because you hate me."

the tipsy man doesn't respond at first and it makes harry's racing heart drop, but then he makes eye contact and harry realizes his are forming tears. "i love you, too," he murmurs, and he looks guilty and he doesn't want to continue their eye contact. "'m stopping, i'm sorry," he rakes his eyes over harry's sad, pretty face and noticed he's so tired. "let's go to bed, i-i'll stay with you," he tells him, and he gets up and helps harry stand up as well.

that's the moment when he finally looks at the swell of a belly popping out through his jumper, and his heart is pounding faster than it does when he does his coke in the living room and runs around the house singing and dancing and yelling and screaming, having the time of his life. that life is over now, it has to be, if he wants harry to ever let him see their baby. there's an actual human in there and drunk as louis is, he begins to understand what's wrong with him.

harry catches him staring and he wipes his tears away as they walk simultaneously to the bedroom. louis is stumbling just the slightest bit and harry is slugging down the hallway, tired and sad and happy all at the same time. melancholy, you could call it.

they both lay down on the bed, that harry hasn't slept in in a few days, since he's been switching between this house and zayn and liam's house every night to find a safe place to stay. louis wraps his arms around him and buries his face in his unruly curls, caressing his body against his. and harry hasn't been able to fall asleep this easily in years.

if louis saying he was quitting and going to get help didn't make him feel hope, waking up and hearing (and feeling) him crying into the top of his head really, really does.


	7. six

louis does, surprisingly, keep his promise to harry about making an appointment and taking him out for breakfast the next day. harry is, unsurprisingly, very hesitant to even speak to his boyfriend when he wakes up this morning, let alone hold his hand and sit across from him at a restaurant table for an extended period of time and try to hold a conversation with someone he feels like he barely even knows anymore.

when the curly haired boy wakes up in the morning, louis isn't in bed with him anymore, and he finds himself becoming a bit nervous wondering where he could be and whether he's smoking or drinking in the living room for the umpteenth time. he gets out of bed with a stretch of his limbs and pads sleepily down the hall and into the kitchen, where louis is hunched over the island counter. he's got a cigarette dangling between his pursed lips and a sheet of paper and a pencil on the surface, and the closer harry gets, he catches sight of the therapist's card in between his two slightly trembling fingers.

he attempts to be quiet as he shuffles to the fridge, so louis can concentrate, and he just listens to him talk to the woman on the phone as he pours himself a glass of water and slugs it down immediately. and it took him until now not realize that he's barely drank anything in the past twenty-four hours. he really needs to start taking better care of himself.

"so, thursday?" the man at the counter questions, then he squeezes his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he picks up his pencil and begins to scribble something. he taps the eraser end on the counter repeatedly in an anxious trance and finally snaps out of it when he sees harry watching him. "thursday at noon," he repeats, then nods although emmalee can't see him. "sounds good. i'll be there."

the tall man thanks her and sets his phone down after he hangs up, stepping away from his chair so he can attach the slip of paper to the fridge with a magnet.

he looks at the smaller boy with a sheepish smile and holds his cigarette away from him so he can lean down a little and kiss him on the lips. harry tries not to look grossed out by the fact that his breath reeks of tobacco but he supposes it's better than anything else he uses. once they pull away, louis stubs the cigarette out in the ashtray on the island counter and turns to harry once again. "i hope you're proud of me," he says, and his hands are still jittery because he hasn't had much in his system the last two days. "jeez, this is really difficult," he lets out a shaky sigh.

harry ignores the queasy feeling from the cigarette smell and nods, giving him a timid smile. he's still a little nervous to be this open with his boyfriend. he catches louis staring at his jumper, attempting to scope out the baby bump underneath, and he smiles a little easier. "d'you wanna feel?" he asks, an eyebrow quirked. "no kicks yet, just thought you might want to."

louis' eyes get a little wider and he looks at the hand that harry has outstretched toward him and swallows thickly. "i would but i think i might pass out if i do," he shakes his head, diverting his attention to harry's face instead of his tummy. "i'm sorry."

the boy tries to mask his disappointment with another smile. "it's okay," he nods. the couple stand there in an awkward silence for at least a minute and a half and then harry finally makes a move to do something. "um, i'll go get dressed, yeah?" he asks, to see if that's what he's supposed to be doing right now. "still got plans to go out, right?"

the older man nods, stays leaning against the counter and watches as his boyfriend disappears around the corner. he puts his face in his hands and starts thinking about harry and how he's pregnant with his baby and how he's going to end up being a terrible parent and not be around because he'll be back to doing drugs and harry will kick him out of the house and he'll be homeless and he'll end up overdosing on heroin in some dirty alleyway. all of a sudden he gets hit with a wave of nausea, scurrying to the bathroom down the hall with a hand over his mouth.

harry hears a thump in the bathroom as he's slipping a different jumper over his head, and he pads down the hall to the door so he can check on his boyfriend with a worried expression on his face. "louis?" he calls out for him from the other side of the closed door. he hears him vomit in there and he tries the door handle but he must've locked it when he closed it. "are you alright?" he asks, really concerned.

"hold on," louis responds from the other side of the door, practically gasping for breath. "i'm fine, just give me a second."

"are you sure?" the curly-haired boy questions, by the way he's breathing and gagging it doesn't sound like he's alright. "look, we don't have to go out for breakfast today, we can stay here, i'll make something-"

he unlocks the door and opens it suddenly and walks out, pale and sweaty. he's shaking even more than he was before and harry grabs onto his arm before he can go down the hall and grab the car keys and tell him to hurry up so they can go out to eat. he looks harry in the eyes and harry frowns a little, taking in his nervous features. he's more than nervous, though, they can both tell. maybe it's from the tears welling up in his eyes and the sudden shakiness of his whole body. "no, i'm fine, we can go," he tries to reassure the boy that's still holding onto him.

they both start walking down the hall and louis is almost certain they're going to leave and go to the restaurant he had planned to take his lover to, but he's taken off guard when harry gently nudges him into the living room and makes him sit down. "we're not going," the boy shakes his head, sitting down next to him and putting a hand on his upper leg. he looks over at louis with his mouth twisted. "did something happen? i mean, you were fine, like, five minutes ago."

louis shakes his head for the umpteenth time and shields his face with his shaky hands, covering his damp eyes. "just a second," he breathes out, leaning his head back against the couch with an audible swallow. harry pillows his head against his shoulder and all of a sudden he just bursts into tears. he tries not to make any noise but he can't help it and he can feel harry's eyes focused on him and he feels bad that he even has to make his boyfriend this concerned about his well being. why did he ever get himself into drugs in the first place? he doesn't even remember it's been so long. which means he's been neglecting harry for this long and he's been treating him like shit and calling him by the wrong name this whole time. "i'm fine, fuck, i'm sorry," he weeps under his breath and tries to stop how he's feeling but harry is all of a sudden wiping the tears off his cheeks after nudging his hands away and is looking him in the eye again and he feels terrible.

"louis," the younger boy coos at him a little. he doesn't know what else to say in order to stop his lover from crying so he does the first thing he can think of. "lou, it's okay. let's just go back to bed, we can figure something out later."

they do go back to bed, except for the fact that they just cuddle on the couch until they fall asleep again, and then when harry wakes up a few hours later, there's an aroma of waffles and strawberries in the kitchen. he thinks that's better than any restaurant they could've gone to.


	8. seven

it's thursday, the first day of louis' therapy sessions. harry drives him to emmalee's house, where her sessions take place, because louis is feeling a little crappy, after throwing up only a couple days before. louis kisses him on the lips and thanks him for the ride before unsurely walking up to the woman's front door. harry waits until she opens up and lets him inside before he drives off and goes back home to relax. he's feeling a little better about their situation because he knows louis is serious about starting this. he knows it's new and it's scary for the both of them but there's no way in hell it's as scary as louis' addiction.

he only gets about an hour long nap in before louis calls him on his cell and asks him if he could come pick him up because the first session was over. he won't deny that he gets a little excited at the thought that his boyfriend had just started the first step of recovery.

when he pulls up to the side of the road again, louis gets in the car with a sigh, looking over at his boy and giving him a sheepish smile. harry smiles back at him, despite the fact that his is a slightly worried one, and holds his hand out across the console to allow louis to hold his hand. louis does hold his hand, for the first time in a while, and harry brings his pale hand up to press his lips against the back of it comfortingly.

they don't speak on the drive home, just listening to the familiar songs on the radio and sitting in a comfortable silence when the songs are over.

it's not until they get home and into the living room that harry notices his boyfriend still looks a little sick, anxious. he furrows his eyebrows and looks up and down his face with his mouth twisted. "are you okay?" he asks.

louis turns his head from where it was cast at the floor and looks at him, nodding. "just thinking," he shrugs.

"d'you wanna go lay down?" the curly-haired boy asks, holding a hand out again for louis to grab. the man nods and takes his hand, being led to their bedroom. harry lays down first on his back, and almost has a heart attack when louis crawls onto the bed and rests his head against harry's belly, closing his eyes with a thick, audible swallow. "am i allowed to ask how therapy went?"

the older brunet nods, keeping his head against harry's stomach with a blank expression. "she wants me to come up with what my triggers are," he tells him, peeking up at him a little and seeing his confused face, eyes begging him to talk more about his day. "just the things that make me want to use. and when i come up with those i'm supposed to stay away from them," he shrugs.

harry hums and brings a hand up to run his fingers through louis' hair, trying to make him feel better about speaking about this. "did you come up with any?" he asks. louis nods. "what did you tell her?"

louis sighs and looks back down at harry's belly. "being a dick to you, hurting you, just arguing with you gets me mad and then i want to start using again," he says, clearing his throat. "i just don't want to make you hate me," he murmurs under his breath.

"i could never hate you, lou," the curly-haired boy shakes his head, continuing to comb through louis' locks with his fingers.

"not even when i get those stupid side effects?"

"not even then."


	9. eight

the drug withdrawal symptoms hit almost immediately after the first session. harry stays with louis a lot of the time just to make sure he's doing okay, but sometimes when he comes home from a long day at work, he's surprised to see louis either throwing up or crying or just in a grumpy, irritable mood. 

like today, when he opens the front door and walks in, slipping his shoes off because his feet are starting to ache with the weight that he's been gaining recently. he sets his keys down on the counter and he can hear louis padding into the kitchen. from the corner of his eye, he can see him, his palm resting against his forehead, and he watches him until he can't see him anymore. that's when louis comes up behind him and leans his heavy head against his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist gently. harry hears him sniffle and he turns around and looks at him with a worried expression, holding his slightly scruffy, pale face in his hands. "is everything okay?" he asks, voice quiet. it's obvious louis' got a headache.

louis shrugs and swallows thickly, hands trembling like they used to do when he was high. but he's not, for now he's completely sober. "i don't feel good," he murmurs and his voice is a little shaky, too, like he's either about to vomit or he's about to start bawling his eyes out on the kitchen floor like a pathetic loser.

harry lets go of his face so he can hold both of his quivering hands in his own. "me neither," he shakes his head, motioning to the small baby bump in between his hips. he looks back up at louis and smiles back at his bit of a smile. then he sighs and swings their hands together between their bodies with an eyebrow quirked, trying to make his lover feel better. "i think we could both use a nap, yeah?"

the older man only nods and allows harry to lead him to the bedroom like they had done the first day of therapy, which was only two weeks ago. he's been going every other day for the most part and harry and emmalee are so glad that he's been doing a lot better already. 

they lay down next to each other and harry brushes louis' unruly hair out of his face like he always does to try and comfort him, letting louis close his eyes and relax as much as he can. despite how bad he feels for the boy, he likes this louis. it's probably just because this is as close as he's going to get to the sober, original louis he fell in love with. 

"will you talk to me, about the baby?" the sad boy asks, eyes still closed and cheeks still sticky and damp with tears. "and you?"

harry can feel his own lips curl up into a smile because, for the first time in forever, louis cares. louis' asking questions about his life and he seems interested and harry's heart swells. he nods even though the other boy can't see him and strokes his cheekbone with his knuckles. "well, i can't fit in any of my pants anymore," he says, and he laughs a little and louis does, too. "i haven't told anybody else, except liam and zayn."

louis furrows his eyebrows. "do they hate me?" he asks, eyelashes fluttering against his wet cheeks like he wants to open his eyes but if he looks in harry's and there's anything but a sympathetic or a loving face staring back at him he's going to lose his shit. "they don't talk to me anymore, i don't want anybody to hate me," he sniffles again.

the curly-haired boy shakes his head and continues to caress his boyfriend's face, leaning forward a little to kiss louis' nose. "they love you just as much as i do, love," he informs him, making sure he knows it. he reminds himself to give the couple a call later and see if they're up for breakfast or something with him and louis.

he nods and motions for harry to keep talking, relaxing as much as possible when he still feels like complete and utter shit. 

"i think we're gonna have to change that guest room down the hall into a nursery," harry explains, and louis nods along and agrees. "i'm kind of excited. are you?" he asks. he's praying for a yes in reply.

when louis finally opens his eyes after nodding in agreement once again, his eyes pool with tears and as soon as harry asks him what's wrong and if he did anything to cause his sudden sobfest, he bursts into tears. "you're so pretty," he snivels, wiping at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. he keeps a long sleeve on at all times because looking at the needle marks and the bruises from all the heroin he's done in the past drowns him with guilt and he wants to scratch at his arms until they bleed. "i'm really sorry i'm so fucked up, i-i really want to get better and i'm trying really hard because i just want you to be happy but i-i can't even do that. sometimes i just wish i would've fucking died o-or something before i could get into this mess so i wouldn't have to make you suffer," he ends up sobbing by the end of his story, his head against harry's chest while he practically soaks the fabric in tears.

harry shushes him as his own heart shatters to pieces. "louis," he coos, loud enough for the weeping boy to hear. he can feel tears building up in his own eyes as well, overwhelmed by what he'd just been told. "hey, i love you so much, i love you more than anything in the whole wide world, you know that? i'm gonna be here for you through every step until you get better, i don't care if you want me to or not," he shakes his head. he doesn't speak until louis calms down a little, enough to be breathing just a bit off of steady and the tears aren't falling as fast anymore. "and let's not forget we're having a baby, me and you."

louis nods, and smiles, melancholy. "i'm lucky," he lets harry wipe the tears off his face and kiss him on the lips until they both end up falling asleep, all wrapped up in each other. harry wants it to be like this every night.


	10. nine

it's the middle of the night when harry wakes up to hear louis weeping in bed next to him. the more he awakens and squints his eyes open, he can see his boyfriend's got his hands over his face, and he's trying to be quiet but he can't.

this is just another symptom of louis' addiction withdrawal that he's been going through for only a little while. he still has months upon months to go before all of these symptoms begin to dissipate. and harry only has months to go before their baby will be here. if louis isn't better by then he's not sure how he's going to be able to stay by his side through all this.

he can stay by his side right now, however. how could he not when he's just woken up from a nightmare? he's been having these for a couple weeks, they both hope they go away soon because it's causing both of them to lose sleep every night. but harry won't complain, this means louis hasn't been doing any drugs recently and that he's going to get better. at least, he hopes.

which is why he gently reaches out so he can touch louis' shoulder and pull him toward himself so he can be comforted. louis buries his face in harry's chest and cries loudly into his jumper, hands trembling from where he's got them tangled in the fabric of his clothing, gripping on for dear life.

and neither of them say anything for a while, just letting the taller man sob heartbreakingly about whatever his nightmare had been about. harry never asks what they're about, doesn't want to trigger something in his boyfriend that might cause him to go back to using, but he makes sure he's calmed down enough before either of them fall back asleep.

harry strokes his lover's unruly locks and scratches at his scalp gently to lull him, has no choice but to listen to those broken cries vibrating into his chest. he takes one of louis' shaky hands from behind his back and nudges his own jumper up at the bottom so he can rest louis palm against his baby bump, shushing him softly. he feels like he's trying to lull a hysterical baby back to sleep, but he would never ever say that out loud. he doesn't want to tell louis that he reminds him of a bratty child. that would knock him back into his irritable state.

"it's okay, lou," he coos into louis' temple, pecks his clammy skin there with a wary expression on his face. he lets go of his hand and lets louis keep on touching and feeling at his slowly growing belly, hiccuping now. he's beginning to calm down and the curly-haired boy is relieved. "you're gon' be alright."

louis continues to snivel, but attempts to calm down a bit so he can speak, muffled. "are you gonna leave me?" he asks, sniffling harshly. "i-i don't want you to leave."

harry sighs into the side of his head and takes a moment to think. technically he isn't lying when he says he's not going to leave, because he told himself that he's not leaving unless louis decides to fuck everything up again. so he just kisses his temple again and responds. "no," he shakes his head, whispering. "not goin' anywhere unless you do," he tells him, and he really is telling the truth.

"a-and you love me, right?" the crying boy asks, hopeful tone in his croaky voice. he draws away to look his boy in the face and tries to pull himself together so he doesn't burst into tears just by looking at his beautiful boy.

the curly brunet nods, and he's looking at louis but his eyes are drooping a little. he's always so sleepy these days. "more than anything, lou," he gives him a little reassuring smile. "d'you love me back?"

louis nods right back, twists his mouth as harry brushes his hair away from his eyes. "a lot," he tries to give him a smile but it's timid and he hopes harry doesn't take it like he's lying or something. he's just anxious. he peeks at harry's worried face with a frown on his chapped lips, then peers at his belly that's popping out just the slightest bit and really frowns. "i'm sorry," he murmurs, sincere.

harry knows he's talking about the situation they're in, and how he's sorry he's fucked up and a literal drug addict. but how can you accept that apology, or tell someone it's okay that they're like that?

so the only thing he can do is caress his boyfriend's cheek and stroke the skin by his ear until they both fall back asleep, dreaming good things instead of the nightmares that he keeps having.


	11. ten

harry, surprisingly, hasn't come home from work crying in quite a while. ever since this whole rehab/therapy thing started, his mood has been skyrocketing, and he hopes it stays that way forever. 

he hates going to work, though. every time he's just sitting at his desk, going through paperwork and answering the phones, he's constantly thinking about how louis is doing and whether or not he's okay. he can't help it; he's been in a dangerous situation for years, every time the phone used to ring at reception for him to pick up, he would immediately imagine it was a hospital calling to inform him that his boyfriend had overdosed and died. he doesn't think that much anymore, however, as he knows he's in good hands with emmalee and he doesn't doubt her work for even a second. 

it's nearing the end of the day, with only half an hour left to work, and harry is sitting at the reception desk, scribbling with his neat handwriting on a piece of paper, when one of his coworkers suddenly walks behind the desk and stands next to him. it's oscar, a man of about forty, who always seems to flirt with him and tease him. one time said oscar had tried to kiss him when he was leaving and harry had tried to be nice and turned his head so he only kissed him on the cheek. it made him so uncomfortable he had ended up shedding some tears in his car as soon as he had driven out of the parking lot. 

another thing; harry is most definitely showing now. he tries to cover himself up so nobody suspects a thing but the only thing that wasn't in the wash was a white t-shirt that had begun to grow too tight on him and a black blazer jacket for his sleeves. he doesn't even remember when he had gained so much weight but he knows he woke up one morning and he had a proper, yet small baby bump between his hips. nobody has really noticed anything, well, at least, not until recently. over the last couple days everyone has been casting uneasy glances at him, knowing the home situation he's been living in. he'd told his closest coworkers about the rehab but somehow everybody found out. he really should've believed in office gossip. 

the graying man, who occasionally went to the hairdresser to dye it blonde in an attempt to make himself look more youthful, so he could probably prey on somebody younger, like harry, for example, has a stack of papers held to his chest and a sly grin on his face. harry looks up from his composition to look at him, a confused look on his face, and sets his pen down so he can turn around fully to face him. he hates when he's talking to people and they aren't looking in his direction, and, as much as he dislikes the man, he wants to give him at least some respect. in all honesty, he's afraid he would do something bad to him if he wasn't being so nice. 

"hey, you," the much older man more-or-less purrs at him, with his attention on his face and (thankfully) not his belly. he hasn't noticed it yet and harry hopes he never does, although it's inevitable. he hands the papers over to the curly-haired boy and then he leans against the wall with an almost creepy expression, arms crossed over his chest. harry makes sure to thank him for the added paperwork he's going to have to do when he gets home, when all he wants to do is just relax because, although he's only about three months along, his feet are starting to ache, especially in his work shoes. "so, i was wondering if you wanna come get some drinks with me and a couple of the warehouse guys tonight?" he asks. he tries to put on this sexy aura but it, of course, doesn't appeal to harry in the slightest. 

harry gives a sympathetic, timid smile in reply and shakes his head, watching the man's expression falter to a disappointed, almost angry one. "uh, actually, i can't drink anymore, i'm sorry," his voice is soft, hesitant, but he knows he has to let him know that he's unable to drink. as if he would go in the first place, pregnant or not.

that's when he finally drops his mature eyes down at his belly, that pops out a little through his shirt. he looks back up at harry at a loss for words, and then he sighs. "oh, wow. so you're knocked up now?" he asks, eyebrows drawn together. he twists his mouth in some type of distaste and, again, attempts to get him to come with him despite his argument. "one shot wouldn't hurt, would it? just because your little boyfriend isn't allowed to drink anymore doesn't mean you can't have some fun." 

the boy shrugs, curling in on himself a little. "i think it would be better if i didn't," he murmurs. "thank you for the offer, though."

oscar looks him up and down before his dispute and his begging finally diminishes. he sighs even louder than before and then he shrugs in a mock. "you looked hotter without all the extra weight," he spits, and then he turns around and practically stomps out of the area and back to his own cubicle. 

harry tries to shrug it off and discard the tears threatening to build up in his eyes, and he does pretty well at it until he passes a car after work in the parking lot and sees his reflection. maybe oscar's right, he thinks, as he gets in his car. that's the only thought that occupies his head all the way home.

-

as soon as harry shuts the front door and sets the papers down on the kitchen counter, the tears finally fall. he's rubbing at his eyes, resting his head in his hands and bending forward against the wood of the bureau so he can put his elbows on the surface, when louis pads sleepily into the room. he notices harry crying immediately and speeds up his bare feet a bit, placing a hand on his back with a concerned appearance. "was it oscar again?" he asks, because he knows that's one of the big reasons he comes home in tears. when harry nods, he doesn't bother asking what he did, he's not sure he even wants to know. if harry were to tell him that he did something absolutely vile to him, he thinks he'd end up puking more than he already does during the day, that man disgusts him so much. "have a seat, love, i'll make you some dinner. and let me get your shoes off," he coos, he can tell he's in pain, physically and mentally. 

harry has no clue how louis got this lovely and solace but he adores it, sitting down on the island stool that his boyfriend had pulled back for him. he thanks him before the taller brunet bends down a little to be level with him and kisses him on the lips. 

"did anybody tell you that you look beautiful today?" he asks in a whisper, smiling at him. he's beginning to look younger and younger every day since he isn't on any drugs or drinking at all, harry notices, and that makes him smile as well as the compliment he'd just received. he shakes his head, sniveling, and thinks about the rude comment he'd gotten earlier, but it soon leaves his mind when louis peppers kisses to his wet cheeks and his forehead and the tip of his nose, making him giggle. he kneels down to untie his boy's shoes and when he gets back up, he caresses his face in his hands. "what d'you want to eat, haz? i'll see if we have any pickles left if you're craving them but otherwise we have strawberries and peanut butter."

the remark from about an hour ago evacuates his mind completely now, and he wipes his tears away and tugs his bottom lip between his teeth in an attempt to not beam at him. "can i have ice cream and pickles? and a movie, on the couch, with you?" he asks, blushing. 

louis is already getting the ice cream tub out of the freezer as he speaks, handing the entire thing to harry because there isn't even that much left and stabbing a spoon into it. he grabs a brand new jar of pickles from the back of the fridge and holds that in one arm while he uses his other to guide harry to the couch. "you can have whatever you want, harry."

as delicious as his weird cravings are, all he really wants in life is for him, and louis, and their baby to be okay.


	12. eleven

louis is only in that happy-go-lucky mood of his for only a week after harry's encounter with the man at work. after that, he begins to get more irritated and grumpy. he's snapped at his boyfriend a couple of times, which always ends with him feeling bad and crying, so harry supposes it's alright. at least, he tries to reassure himself that.

it's what he's expecting when he comes home from work today, but when he gets inside the house, louis is nowhere to be seen. usually he's either chilling on the couch or he's just walking into the room for a hug and a kiss, but he's in neither of those positions today. "louis?" he calls out for him, setting his work down on the kitchen counter. 

there's no answer and he begins to walk throughout the entire house, continuously calling his name and peeking in every room to figure out where exactly he is. he even goes down in the creepy basement to check for him there but he isn't anywhere. 

that's when he hears a car pulling into the driveway and he probably should have checked the garage to see if louis was in there but louis doesn't even own a car so that wouldn't have even done any justice. 

there is a car in the driveway next to harry's now, it's very unfamiliar, but he watches through the kitchen window and spots louis stepping out of the back of it and his heart is hammering in his chest. the longer he watches the more aware he becomes of the fact that louis' drunk. 

what is he supposed to do in this situation? does he yell at him? obviously he's going to have to express his disappointment somehow. he could just really use a good call with emmalee right now. he shouldn't be mad at her but he can't help it, isn't she supposed to be getting louis out of this mess and not right back into it?

he doesn't have any more time to think, however, because the front door opens and he has to act like he wasn't just basically stalking him. he turns around and goes to get something out of the fridge, even though he's lost his appetite completely,and then louis stumbles into the room, laughing at nothing. he doesn't say anything, doesn't even bother to look at him because he thinks if he does he might start sobbing. just when he thought things were getting so so good, they go to shit. he shouldn't even be surprised. 

"hi, you," the taller brunet greets him, leaning over his shoulder to press his lips against his cheek. he feels how tense harry is and he finally, finally realizes that he's upset with him. he sighs, putting a hand on his shoulder and struggling to find the right words to say. "listen, i know it looks bad but it's not what it looks like," he tries to explain. 

harry shrugs his hand off of himself and turns around so he can look at his boyfriend with a disappointed expression painted on his face. "not what it looks like?" he repeats, scoffing. "well, it sure looks like you've been drinking again, i dunno what there is to possibly explain but whatever it is, i don't need to hear it, i'm gonna call emmalee and schedule a sooner appointment." 

he makes a move to step away and grab his phone but louis grips his wrist and doesn't let him, his eyes dark. it's clear there's something else in his system besides the alcohol and it only fuels harry's anger. "are you disappointed in me?" he asks, voice low and brows drawn together.

the curly-haired boy nods, a hurt look on his face. "yes, i'm disappointed in you," he murmurs, narrowing his eyes at him, that are starting to get a little glassy and teary. he doesn't even want to speak with him but he knows he has to otherwise things are just going to get worse. "i mean, fuck, everyone thought things were getting better. everyone, louis. why did you have to do this now?" he's trying so hard not to cry by the end of his rant that he has to pinch his nose between his fingers in order to stop. the voice cracks and tremors probably give it away, though.

"a couple of friends asked me if i wanted to hang out, i said yeah because i didn't think we'd end up drinking, and then we went to a bar and it just happened, okay? am i not allowed to have friends anymore?"

"not friends like that, no," harry shakes his head, listening to louis scoff with his eyes closed. they just stand there in the kitchen and harry wants to do nothing but sit down and maybe smack louis across the face. "people at work ask me to get drinks all the time, you know what i say? no. because, for one, i know i shouldn't, and for two, you can't, so i don't want to rub it in your face," he explains, begging for louis to understand just with his eyes. louis isn't even looking at him, though, he's staring at the floor in a drunken haze, but he's still listening. "so i think it would only be right if you wouldn't drink, either, because you're not supposed to and because i can't either. why can't we just make it a team effort?" he asks, desperate to know the answer.

there's no answer back, except for a meaningless apology. he rolls his eyes and goes to the counter to pick his things up again before he grabs his car keys and goes back toward the door. "where are you going?" louis asks, although it seems like he doesn't even really care.

harry doesn't even bother to turn around and look at the drunken boy's face because he thinks it'll break his own heart. "to liam and zayn's," he shrugs. "call me when you're sober," he tells him, and he means it, and then he disappears out the front door. he dials emmalee's number on the drive there and he's in tears by the time she answers, and he tells her about the whole situation and if there was anything he could do to turn this around. she tells him 'relapse is a part of recovery'. he's not sure he believes that.


	13. twelve

harry feels the baby kick for the first time while he's trying to sleep in the guest bedroom at liam and zayn's. it's strange; he's not sure what he was expecting it to feel like but i definitely feels weirder than he thought it would.

it makes him smile for the most part, knowing there's a new way for them to "communicate" in some sort, but that sleepy smile fades as soon as he begins to think about louis. louis wasn't there to experience it, he wasn't there for harry to yell from the other room for him to come in there so he could feel it as well and he's still upset over the relapse and this only makes it worse. he had been okay a majority of the night once he got to the house, snacking on some of their junk food to, quote-on-quote, eat his feelings. but the thoughts flooding his head ruin that moment and he starts crying. it's not even the shed-a-couple-tears type of crying, he's bawling and he has to shove his face into the newly-washed pillow to muffle the sounds so he doesn't wake anybody up.

he's trembling like he always does when he gets upset and his face is getting sticky and hot and as soon as he pulls his head away from the pillow to get some fresh air, the door opens a little. he doesn't even notice at first, too busy weeping and rubbing at his damp eyes with his fists like a child, but then the bed sinks on the other side and he knows his best friends are both there.

"c'mon, hazza," he can hear zayn coo in a low, sympathetic voice. one of them reach over and brush his hair out of his face, stroking their fingers through it in an attempt to calm him down.

harry tries so hard to stop crying because he feels so annoying and he knows he's woken the two boys up and he feels terrible about it. he wants to wave them off and tell them to go back to bed and not to worry but the petting to his head and the shushes from liam are actually helping him feel better.

he misses louis as much as he hates to admit it. he wants to be angry and he most definitely is but he's more mad at himself for thinking that things were going to get better and go back to normal. what's normal anyway? he barely even remembers a time where everything wasn't so fucked up.

he closes his eyes as another mechanism to tranquilize himself and that stops most of his tears. he's only sniffling and hiccuping a little, and every once in a while he tries to sob something out but he can't bring himself to speak. he's so tired and upset it physically hurts, and the baby kicks again and his heart breaks a bit knowing it's own father is too messed up at the moment to be there to feel it, too.

it only takes a couple more minutes of zayn and liam comforting the boy for him to fall asleep for real this time, and they stay there for a few minutes afterward just to make sure he's alright before they go back to bed as well.

-

louis is coming into the room as soon as harry opens the front door, looking solemn and a little sick. he keeps his distance from the boy, though, which is a good thing because harry really feels like punching him in the face.

"i can go somewhere else if you don't want to talk to me," the taller man murmurs, not making eye contact. he's a little hungover, duh, it's obvious he feels like shit and harry feels a little bad for feeling good about that.

harry just shakes his head, setting his keys down on the kitchen counter and taking his own shoes off. "if you think i'm letting you out of my sight after last night, you're crazy," he scoffs.

"fair enough," louis nods, looking uncomfortable. he twists his mouth and still stands a few feet away from him because he knows he's still upset with him.

they don't say anything for a little bit as harry goes to the fridge and grabs two bottles of water and hands them one over to the hungover boy across the counter. "i bet you feel like shit, huh?" he asks, taunting him on purpose. his boyfriend nods and he chuckles, quirking an eyebrow at him to tease him some more. "so you don't want to drink again, right?"

he shakes his head, answering truthfully. in harry's mind he's wondering what good that alcohol even did for him in the first place yesterday. gave him a buzz for an hour or two and then made him feel like garbage the rest of the night? that sounds like a lot of fun!

the curly-haired boy sighs and holds his hand out in a 'come here' motion so louis will come closer to him. he looks up at him from where he's leaning against the island counter and thinks of how to word what he wants to say. "the baby kicked last night," he informs him, and he watches louis' expression falter even farther than it already was. "you missed that. does that make you regret what you did?" he asks, because he's curious and this is supposed to be teaching him a lesson.

and louis is the one to start crying now. it hurts harry's heart but he knows he needs to let him know that there are consequences to his actions. "i"m so sorry," he snivels out, nodding to answer his question, and he goes to cover his face but harry holds it in his hands and forces him to look him in the eyes.

"i was up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out because you weren't there to feel it with me," harry speaks clearly, aiming to hit right at louis' heart and pull at the strings. "next time you wanna do something stupid, think about how it affects the people around you."

the way he says it isn't as harsh as he wants to put off, because he'll always have a stupid little soft spot for his lover. but his point goes across and louis understands what he's telling him. he nods, and he wraps his arms around the boy and cries into the top of his head, apologizing and apologizing through his tears.

harry accepts his apologies and together they go into the bedroom to nap together. both of them end up waking up feeling nauseous and they find it a little funny. harry just really, really hopes this was just a one-time thing and that louis will never relapse again.


	14. thirteen

why is it always the middle of the night when louis decides to get all soft for harry? every time he starts crying or just being a sweetheart for no reason, it's always, like, two in the morning.

not that harry minds the attention, but he's always getting woken up just to be told that he's loved, and then he passes out again and forgets everything he was told in the morning.

like tonight, in particular. louis' relapse was a week ago and he's been having appointments every other day now, getting more and more frequent the more he relapses. harry still has to get up and drive him to said appointments but he knows later in his pregnancy when he's not even gonna be able to go down the stairs, he's gonna have to have somebody else take him to and fro.

he's just sleeping pretty peacefully in bed when he hears the back patio door shut from the living room. it wakes him almost immediately because any time he hears a noise that could possibly have to do with louis relapsing, it gives him a heart attack.

there's a prayer in his head as soon as he registers the noise he's heard and he struggles a bit to get out of bed. he pulls his jumper down a little and then wraps a throw blanket around his own shoulders, trudging to the back doors.

but it's not what he thinks it is outside. it's louis, that's for sure, but he's laying in their cozy little hammock that's been out there, unused, for years. it's also apparent that there's no drugs or alcohol of any kind, and the closer he gets to the boy, he notices that he's got a package of fruit snacks in his hand and he's eating them.

"you should sit up when you eat," he chastises softly, trying to be funny. if louis doesn't laugh, his feelings are honestly going to be hurt. "you'll choke."

the older man looks over at him and tugs his bottom lip between his teeth, holding out a cherry fruit snack to harry with a smile curving on his lips. there's no conversation as the curly-haired boy makes an attempt to crawl into the hammock as well, and once he finally settles, louis nudges his jumper up the slightest bit just so he can press his unoccupied palm against his belly. "you should stay off the hammock," he murmurs, sassy. "you'll break it."

a scoff leaves harry's pink lips and there's a little hurt-stricken look on his face but it soon disappears when louis leans forward and captures their lips together. he loves kissing. there was once a time where they didn't even kiss with any meaning to it, and now that he has the chance to, on nights like these, it doesn't ever stop.

"i'm kidding, you're gorgeous," louis chuckles out, voice sincere and honest, when they pull back.

louis' been tracing little shapes on harry's baby bump and harry's so happy it's insane. "what're you doing up with fruit snacks anyway?" he asks, because he's curious. he won't mention that he thought it was him running away or coming out here to smoke.

the taller boy shrugs, closing his eyes. "i couldn't sleep, and i needed to think."

harry hums in understanding and takes his pack of fruit snacks so he can eat the rest, pillowing his head against louis' shoulder. "think about what?" he asks, genuinely interested in the conversation.

he feels louis' finger poke at his swell of a belly and he can't stop smiling. "this," he sighs, dreamily. his eyes are still shut and he doesn't need to open them to notice his boyfriend is in complete and utter bliss.

there's a few kicks at his hand and they both laugh a bit. "what about it?" the curly-haired boy asks yet another question, savoring the talk they're having.

"just," louis starts, pausing to think of how he wants to word things. he shrugs, caressing his soft skin with his knuckles. "i just love you so much and i never wanna do anything to upset you but i know i have a million times and i hate myself for it. not to be sappy or get emotional but i just want you to know that i'm sorry and i love you both more than anything and i'm sorry i keep being an idiot."

the other boy smiles sheepishly and reaches up to stroke his cheek comfortingly. "i forgive you," he tells him, because he really really does. he closes his eyes and louis leans down to kiss him again, one hand against the back of his neck and the other on his tummy. "i love you, too," he whispers, letting himself be held close, protected.

it's silent for a while as harry and louis lock lips, somehow getting impossibly closer on the tight space of the hammock.

when they pull away, louis begins to leave loving kisses along his lover's neck, and he can tell it's getting harry a bit, well, y'know. it's probably because they haven't done anything remotely sexual in literal months. "i hope fruit snacks aren't the only thing i'll be choking on tonight," he taunts with a grin.

"what's that supposed to mean?" the brunet asks, swallowing thickly, audibly, but he's giggling.

and he should have expected louis to slip his hand farther up his jumper and brush his fingers over his chest, but it makes him gasp anyway. "i mean, i hear they get sensitive," he teases, because he knows it's true. he can tell by the roseate tint on his face and how he closes his eyes and relaxes immediately.

he pulls his hand away before he can continue and harry groans, wanting to throw himself off of the side but he doesn't want to get hurt.

"hey, relax," louis soothes, slowly getting out of the hammock and leaving harry to lay in the middle and keep balance. he walks over to the other side of him and grabs his hands, helping him up as well, and then he brushes his unruly curls out of his face and pecks his lips. "i just don't want you guys to get hurt out here, is all."

if you could only see the hearts in harry's eyes after he heard that. he's so in love, he hopes it's like this forever and ever.


	15. fourteen

harry unlocks the front door late at night, just coming home from working overtime. he doesn't know why they made him stay longer, he's almost six months pregnant (which - he wasn't that far along last time he checked) and he can barely keep his eyes open without needing a nap during the day.

he's expecting louis to be awake, waiting for him to get home so, just in case something bad happened to the curly-haired boy, he could comfort him until they fell asleep.

but when he sets his things down and pads sleepily down the hallway to look for him, he notices the light on in the bathroom.

he knocks on the door and doesn't hear a thing back, just the occasional creak of the hardwood floor as he rocks on his feet impatiently.

he calls his name out multiple times and still doesn't get a response. then when he tries the door, he finds it locked.

that's when he starts to worry.

"louis?" he asks one more time, before he hurries down the hall and grabs a butter knife from the kitchen so he can try to unlock it.

it does unlock, after the third try of him and his shaky hands, and when he opens the door, his heart stops.

louis is sprawled out on the floor, an empty pill bottle and a half-full bottle of alcohol next to him. he immediately falls to the hard tiled floor on his knees and holds his fingers against his boyfriend's pulse, closing his eyes so he can concentrate better.

this hasn't happened in a long time. the last time louis had went unconscious because of his addiction was before harry even got pregnant. it's definitely a lot harder to stay calm now that he has two other humans to take care of.

he starts crying before he can even help it, especially after he doesn't feel a pulse. he leans over as far as he possibly can so he can listen to his breathing, but he can't hear anything. there's not a single breath of air. he thinks he's dead.

his heart is literally broken. the tears pouring down his clammy face are hot and sticky and he's struggling to breathe.

and then all of a sudden he wakes up in bed, alone, already crying before he'd even awaken.

he pulls the covers off his sweaty body and immediately scrambles out of bed, hand against a wall for support so he can catch his gasping breath. he scurries to the kitchen and he's never ever been this relieved to see louis leaning against the counter, cooking something. he's never been this relieved in his entire life to smell the musky odor of cigarettes on louis' clothes, when he wraps his arms around him and weeps into the fabric.

louis' forehead is puckered as he turns the stove off and then turns around to face the sobbing boy, taking his cigarette out of his mouth so he can stub it out in the ashtray behind him. "hey," he coos, curious. "what's the matter, hazza?" he asks, holding his face in his big hands.

"i had a bad dream," he croaks, gripping onto louis so tight as if he'll disappear.

louis knows what his nightmares are about most of the time, mostly because he's the cause of pretty much all of them.

he frowns, looking into the boy's wet, petrified eyes, and then he leans down to kiss him on the lips lovingly. "it's okay, lovey," he reassures lowly.

the curly-haired boy nods, wiping at his roseate cheeks to rid himself of the tears. he's hiccuping every once in a while and every cry breaks louis' heart.

"i'm making hamburger helper, you want some?" he asks, throwing a smile his way just to cheer him up.

harry nods, lips turning up just the slightest bit. "yes, please," he says sheepishly, arms crossed over his chest uncomfortably.

louis lets go of his face but only so he can press his palm against harry's belly, eyes sparkling. he smiles, kissing his forehead softly before he turns back around to finish cooking.

it's silent as harry wraps his arms around his boyfriend from behind, nuzzling his nose into the unpleasant smell of his hoodie. he pillows his head against his back, letting him cook as he calms himself down, knowing louis is here and alive and well and that he loves him.

-

harry is still a bit freaked out while they sit on the couch and eat dinner.

he's leaning against the cushions, legs crossed in front of him. he sets one of his bare feet on the coffee table and sighs, closing his droopy eyes.

he doesn't get to fall asleep, however, because his lover wraps an arm around his shoulders and presses a smacking kiss against his cheek, startling him out of his half-conscious trance.

"you full, bub?" he asks, voice low.

harry nods, smiling sheepishly, like he always does. "mhmm," he hums, still nodding, and then he opens his eyes so he can look at louis' face. "thanks," he mumbles, sleepily.

"why're you thanking me?" he asks another question, forehead puckered. he's still smiling though, gazing down at the boy resting against him. "all i did was offer you food."

the curly-haired boy shrugs, hums again as louis pecks kisses against his temple, snuggling up to him. "for everything," he admits, roseate hue obvious on his cheeks.

louis sighs exasperatedly, throwing his head back against the cushion. "i'd do anything if it makes you happy, you know," he tells him, as if he didn't know already. "i love you so much, and i promise as long as you're here to support me, i'll be okay."

"i love you, too, lou," harry smiles, tearing up again. he notices the worried look cast his way and shakes his head, pinching the top of his nose between his fingers. "sorry, just... my nightmare, it was about you, i thought you were really gone when i woke up, it freaked me out," he spills, hands a bit shaky all of a sudden. he doesn't like thinking about the terrible dream he'd just had.

and neither of them say anything as louis holds his head in between his big hands like he did earlier and leans forward to close the gap in between their lips, caressing his face gently. when his hand drops down to his baby bump again, he feels more safe than he has the entire night.

when they pull away, louis slips his hand underneath his jumper. "you feel this?" he asks, poking the swollen skin there as gentle as possible. harry nods, and he grins, pecking his lips again. "that means i'm here, and as long as i can help it, i will never be anywhere else."


	16. fifteen

it's been practically forever since louis has seen liam and zayn, and that fact contributes to the anxiety he's feeling when harry wakes him up early in the morning and informs him that they're going to go see them.

he's so nervous it's crazy. he throws up in the bathroom while harry is making breakfast and as soon as he walks into the kitchen to eat, harry is interrogating him.

"hey, are you oka-" the curly-haired boy begins to ask, setting down two plates on the dining table as well as their stack of waffles.

louis interrupts him by walking right up to him and kissing him on the lips, one hand caressing his roseate face and the other on his belly. "i am fine, baby," he shakes his head, with a reassuring smile.

harry grimaces, reaching up to hold his hand over louis' mouth. "your breath smells like puke," he groans.

"shut up, i'm nervous," louis pouts, kissing his cheek when he's denied another smooch. he sits down afterward, letting harry dish up first before he grabs his own plate of waffles and fruit.

-

the four boys are reunited soon after breakfast and, really, louis thinks it couldn't have gone better.

they play mario kart together. louis wins the grand prix and gets so excited that he jumps off the sofa and screams at the top of his lungs, cheering. harry watches him with the biggest smile on his face, as well as liam and zayn, who're sitting next to him.

louis' next way of celebrating is to practically attack his lover in kisses, kneeling down on the floor in front of the sofa so he can nuzzle his face into his belly. "daddy's the best," he coos.

it must just be a moment of confidence because as soon as he feels the intoxicating silence around him, he picks his head up and peers up at the blank faces staring at him.

he clears his throat, feeling nauseous once again, and then gets up so he can sit back down next to all the boys, not saying a word.

it's awkward now. louis curses himself for ruining their good day, but harry holding his hand makes him feel a little better.

liam is the one to clear his throat this time, getting up. "is anyone hungry yet? i was gonna start supper but..."

harry nods, pillowing his head against his boyfriend's shoulder. "yes, please, i'm starving," he throws his friends a polite smile, squeezing louis' hand softly.

zayn gets up as well and follows his man into the kitchen, racing him there like a child.

the curly-haired boy still on the couch looks over at louis, noticing his nervousness, and holds both of their hands against the baby bump between his hips. "that was really sweet," he reassures, smiling sheepishly.

"i feel like i made it awkward," louis pouts.

"then i guess it sucks for them that they can't handle love," harry snickers, disregarding the fact that liam and zayn are kissing against a kitchen counter.

-

the food is done about an hour later and the awkwardness has dissipated, thankfully.

when harry excuses himself from the dinner table to go to the bathroom, zayn reaches across the table and holds onto louis' hand, like he always does when he's being sincere.

"we're really, really proud of you," he smiles, motioning to himself and his boyfriend. "just... thank you for getting better, for you and harry."

louis nods, and he's got a roseate hue cast upon his cheeks now. "yeah, thank you," he smiles right back, but it's timid. "when i found out he was pregnant, i didn't want to put him under any stress or anything, i just..." his voice fades out as he can't think of what else to say.

liam is the one to speak now, swallowing his last chunk of red meat. "are you excited?" he asks. "for the baby, i mean?"

the blushing one nods once again. "i think so," he twists his mouth. "it's scary. i wish i would've gotten better earlier so i could've made him feel better," there's a regretful shrug of his shoulders as he admits that, looking down at his plate.

it's quiet then, listening to the sound of knives hitting their plates and harry flushing the toilet down the hall.

"he's really pretty," louis murmurs more to himself than the boys across the table, who hear it anyway. "he's huge now, in the best way, don't get me wrong, and he's always glowing and sometimes he wears this pair of overalls and he looks so good. and i'm mad that i ever treated him any less than i do now."

liam and zayn don't speak then, and when louis looks up to see their reactions, they're looking elsewhere. down the hall, where harry is coming back from the loo. he's got an uncomfortable look on his face and a hand on his back, forehead puckered.

all three boys talk at the same time. "are you okay?"

he nods, curls bouncing on top of his head. "they're kicking really hard, it hurts," he complains, a pout evident on his lips.

immediately, louis scoots his chair over so he's closer to his lover, picking up some food on his fork with one hand while the other rests against harry's tummy. he's trying to calm things down so harry can actually sit and enjoy his dinner.

"i can put your plate in the fridge if you wanna go lay down in the guest room," the raven-haired man suggests toward harry, noticing his obvious discomfort.

harry only shakes his head, taking a sip of his ice water. "it's okay, really."

everything's okay. right?


	17. sixteen

when a crying harry pads into the living room in the middle of the night, louis is sitting on the couch with a glass of rum in his hand.

his heart stops upon seeing the alcohol, why wouldn't it? last time this happened, he promised he wouldn't do it again. and now look at him.

as soon as he sees it, he turns back around and makes the move to go back to his room, stifling his cries. he had come in here so he could be comforted but he doesn't want louis to know that he's just walked in on him in a bit of a relapse.

unfortunately, louis hears him sniffle down the hallway. "haz?" he calls out, setting his glass down.

harry can hear him clear his throat as he stands frozen in place, wiping the tears off his face with his sleeves.

he's basically forced to return to the living room, standing in front to his boyfriend with his arms crossed ever his chest. his eyes rake over the alcohol on the table, hurt look on his face.

louis notices. "hey, don't worry, i'm not dru-"

the upset boy interrupts him, motioning to the bottle of rum next to his cup. "where did you get that?" he asks, with a low voice.

"i stole it from liam and zayn's," louis admits, looking elsewhere, anywhere but the boy in front of him. "it's just... i needed it, i know it sounds stupid, but..."

harry shakes his head in disbelief, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"you're allowed to be mad at me," the man on the couch sighs, admitting that at least. he doesn't want to change the subject because he knows it's gonna upset harry more but the boy is sobbing. "are you okay?" he asks, face softening.

the smaller boy nods, hand cradling the bottom of his bump with a pained look on his roseate face. "i-i keep having contractions," he says, despite saying he's alright.

"what?" louis whips his head up, eyes wide. "you still have three months left."

at least he still remembers that, harry admires. he nods again, squeezing his eyes shut. "no, braxton hicks, they're not real. it... it just hurts, a lot," he explains, twisting his mouth.

the one on the couch pats the cushion next to him, waiting for him to come sit down. he does, and he pulls the hood of his jumper over his head and wipes his tears with his sleeves.

louis reaches over so he can caress harry's damp cheek, turning his head toward him. then he leans forward so he can kiss him on the lips, stroking his skin with his thumb gently. "i love you so much," he murmurs when he pulls away, trying to make him feel better.

harry sniffles, twisting his mouth once again. "i love you, too," he responds easily, because he really, really does.

they don't speak as louis wraps his arms around the boy and kisses his temple, scooting closer to him. "can i get you anything, lovey?" he asks.

the smaller brunet shakes his head, closing his eyes so he can try and relax.

louis promises to throw out the alcohol. harry believes him.

he's not sure he should, though.


	18. seventeen

it's the middle of the night on a sunday when harry wakes up as hears a weird rustling noise from the other room. at first, he blows it off as if it's just the wind blowing or something, but then he hears a drawer shut and his eyes widen.

it's strangely cold in the bedroom - maybe because of the open door and windows all over the house - and he curls in on himself while he pads into the kitchen, where all the ruckus is coming from.

it's louis, with deep, dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and a credit card in between his teeth. harry notices all the dollar bills all over the kitchen table and he furrows his eyebrows. "louis?" he asks, rubs his eyes and watches the man flinch and turn around quickly. "what're you doing? is that my credit card?"

louis doesn't even say anything, he just turns back around and starts gathering up all the money into his jittery, shaky hands. harry moves forward and goes to snatch some of it, and he does, and then sees the hundreds of dollars he's holding and gasps, open-mouthed.

"louis, i've been saving this up for the baby," he explains, looks down at his belly, and puts his hand over the top of it. he looks back up at the man, who's just staring back at him. "you're not stealing this from me, are you?"

then, louis snatches the money out of his hands and turns around, stuffing it all in the back of his jeans. "i'm so sorry, harry, but-"

harry has tears in his eyes, and he gets a bit queasy, "louis," he snaps. "give me my money back. it's for the baby. our baby."

"i'm sorry, i need it, harry, i-"

"you need it for drugs!" the curly-haired boy exclaims, and a tear slips from his eye. he wipes it away, viciously, almost like he's slapping himself across the face, "i've been saving all of that up for her nursery and for my doctor appointments and for our baby!"

he doesn't say anything, and then he just turns the other cheek with an apologetic look on his face and scurries out of the house. harry drops to the floor and heaves a sob into his shaking hands, feeling like nothing could possibly make him feel any better, ever. how could his own boyfriend steal that right out of his hands? especially when it's not even for either of them. it's for their child, who's not here yet but will be in only a few months.

-

"you're saying he somehow found all your money and stole it?!" liam asks, frantically looking around the entire house for any hint of money anywhere. he comes back into the living room with a scowl on his face. "what the fuck. i'm gonna kill him," he growls.

zayn shushes him from where he's seated in the middle of the carpeted floor, where he's holding a sobbing harry against his chest. he squeezes him in his arms, tries to silently let him know that they're there for him. "liam," he snaps toward his boyfriend, raises his brows to signal that harry is in pain and he doesn't want to hear liam spew.

liam drops to his knees next to the two boys on the floor, puts his hand on the unoccupied space of harry's back. "do you want me to call the police, harry?" he asks softly. harry shakes his head rapidly, and he sighs, knowing he just doesn't want to because he doesn't want louis to get in trouble. "i dunno what to do, h. unless we get someone else involved, someone that knows him or something, then there really is nothing we can do until he comes back. is he gonna come back?" he asks. zayn elbows him with a glare and he rolls his eyes at him.

harry shrugs, continues to sob violently into zayn's chest. he pulls away so he can grab the trash can from the corner of the room and then he heaves into it, throws up, and then practically collapses facedown into the carpet. liam sighs as zayn moves the trash away from them a bit, so he doesn't have to look at it or smell it or anything, and puts a hand on his back.

"hazza," zayn speaks in a hushed, comforting tone as he coos at the poor (literally and figuratively) boy. "haz, c'mon, i think you need to go back to bed. we can talk about this later, when you're feeling better."

"d'you want us to stay with you?" liam asks, talking about his bedroom, and if they should stay with him in there or not. "we'll cuddle you, as long as you want."

the curly-haired boy can only nod. he can barely even breathe and he feels as if his heart's been ripped to shreds inside of his chest. zayn and liam help him off the ground and use his arms to lead him to the bedroom. he collapses into the messy bed with a sob and liam helps him get under the covers with a kiss to his temple. his friend rubs his back as zayn gets on the other side of him, and he brushes his curls off his sweaty, hot forehead and scratches at his scalp softly.

the boy eventually falls asleep with his two best friends cuddled up to him like they're freezing to death and need warmth or something. he dreams about him and louis being okay, that happy wholesome couple that always hosts all the christmas get-togethers and have three kids and a dog. the only time he can really get away from all of this is in his sleep, which is why he sleeps so much. plus, he has nothing else to do other than work. avoiding louis has been his only decision for quite a while now. he wishes everything could just go back to normal. louis wasn't fucked up a couple of years ago when they first met, so why now? why is he like this now? and who's fault is it?


	19. eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING -- MENTIONS OF DRUG OVERDOSE

harry really should have expected louis to go back to his old habits. maybe if he got that into his head he wouldn't have been so... surprised? angry? disappointed? to watch louis walk out the door with all of their money in his hands. he doesn't even remember much of the day it happened because he's so heartbroken he just wants to forget, he doesn't think he even eats for a while afterward until liam and zayn force him to eat enough to keep him and his little one safe.

they provide for him through the entire situation, and harry doesn't know if he's relieved or panicked that they're not around when louis suddenly appears inside of the home just a week later, with a puddle of white glistening underneath his nose and a quarter-full liquor bottle in his hands. it gives harry quite a fright when he comes home from work and he literally doesn't understand what he's feeling. you could say he's relieved but at the same time he wants to kill him.

and when they make eye contact for a couple of seconds straight, louis just tries to smile and act like everything is okay. as soon as they get close enough and louis opens his grinning lips to speak, harry reaches up and slaps him harshly across the face, already beginning to feel the tears pooling in his sunken eyes. he's also barely gotten any sleep the last week, but goes to work anyway so he can at least try to regain some of the cash his ever-so-loving boyfriend had stolen right away from him.

"i hate you," he huffs under his breath, although there's a desperate tone in his voice practically begging for this to all be some sort of nightmare. he crosses his arms over his chest and can't help but allow the tears to fall, looking down at his own tummy with a sad look on his rosy face. "i don't even have any money left for my doctor appointments. now i have to work extra hours and put strain on my body that i'm not supposed to so i can get enough money to do it myself," he mutters. "because you took everything."

louis only flops down on the couch and tries not to look at the steaming boy pacing in front of him. he chuckles as he imagines steam rolling out of his head, puffing out of his ears like the clouds of gray that he pollutes the air with when he smokes. he doesn't mean to laugh so loud but he doesn't want to just sit and take the beating when he doesn't think he did anything wrong.

"you think it's funny?" the curly-haired boy asks, his eyebrows drawn together in anger. he shakes his head in disbelief and then he shifts on his feet anxiously as he ponders what to blurt next. "you know what's funny, louis? you promising that you were going to get better and then going and doing whatever the fuck this is," he torments with a sniffle. "you're going to kill our baby if you keep doing this shit."

he doesn't mean to swear in front of the growing infant inside of him (holy shit - he still cant believe that) or try to guilt-trip louis but he's furious. he doesn't think he's ever been this pissed off in his entire life. especially when louis just scoffs at him and replies, "how am i gonna kill it?" he asks. "what am i gonna do, shove coke up it's nose? jesus, you act like i'm that stupid."

again, harry can't even put into words how mad he is at the moment. "you are stupid!" he exclaims, voice beginning to raise now. he was trying to keep calm in the situation, ask louis what he did with all the money and whether or not he wants to consider breaking up or something, but he's at his breaking point. and louis is cracking that boiler inside of his head more and more every time he looks at him or opens his mouth. "do you not realize the stress you put on me? i haven't slept o-or eaten or even been able to relax since that night you stole all of our money and fucked off with it!" and he motions to his sunken, tear-stained face with an exasperated motion.

"you should calm down, then," louis replies, easily. "i know i'm in the wrong but i needed that money and you know it," he lets out another scoff and is very surprised when his boyfriend begins to scream at him.

harry's hands are shaking along with the rest of his trembling body, and he waves them around with every insult he throws louis' way. "sometimes i wish you would just overdose!" he yells. he's not thinking, he knows this is going to hurt the both of them in the long run and he hopes he's not giving louis any ideas. "if me and the baby would be okay i wish you would just die a-and finally learn your lesson! i would say i wish i was dead but since i'm the only responsible parent i need to be here to take care of our baby! what have you done for me in the last year and a half that has been good for either of us!?" he asks, and he begins to sob heartbreakingly into his hands as he shields his eyes from whatever reaction he'd just received from the tipsy man on the couch. "i'm sorry but i hate you! i would be so much better off without you right now and i would be loved and treated right and wouldn't have to clean up after spilled alcohol and cheap cocaine residue on the table every fucking second of my life!"

and then he pulls his hands away from his face and looks louis in the eyes after the stunned silence that occurs shortly following his outburst. louis is just staring at him with his bloodshot eyes a bit wider than before. he sobs hysterically into his own hands and then shouts out that he hates him one more time as he scurries to the bedroom, where he always flees to whenever louis is fucked up.

he sits down on the bed after slamming the door and locking it shut and grabs a pillow so he can put it up to his face and scream into it, crying still. he physically can't even stay conscious anymore, he doesn't know if it's from the crying or how scared he just was when that fight broke out, but nonetheless he shifts to lay down on his side and snivel until he falls into a not-so-peaceful sleep. he can't really sleep soundly when he can hear louis cursing and pacing around the house and slamming his fists into things.


	20. nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING --- ATTEMPTED DRUG OVERDOSE

the air is stuffy and dreadful when harry wakes up in the morning, pillow damp with tears and drool from the night before.

his back hurts and so does his belly, his braxton hicks making a comeback, and it's not until he's just about to fall back asleep that he remembers what he's said to louis last night.

as soon as his words pop back into his head, he gets himself out of bed as fast as he can and scurries down the hallway, calling out his name.

he's still angry - of course he is - but he knows he shouldn't have said what he said and he knows that he probably triggered something in louis and that he's more than likely in danger.

there's no response even after he calls out for him ten times, and he checks everywhere for him.

except for the bathroom, where the door's closed and he can see a faint puddle of something underneath the door.

he doesn't want to see what's in there but he knows he has to, if he wants to try and save louis' life. of course he does. what he said last night wasn't what he had meant to say and, although he might mean some of it at times, when things are hard, he would never, ever forgive himself if something bad happened.

the door is unlocked, surprisingly, and harry counts to three in order to calm his nerves before he opens it.

louis' sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, a half-empty liquor bottle next to him and a handful of opioids in his hand. he's still conscious, and as soon as harry opens the door, he pops the pills into his mouth and tries to swallow them all at once.

harry sits down next to him and ignores the pain flushing through his torso as he sticks his finger down louis' throat and makes him vomit.

he's done this before. it gets harder to do every time. especially now when he's six months pregnant and everything hurts and louis looks as bad as he ever has.

louis puking up his insides really doesn't help harry's morning sickness but he has to save him. his hands are trembling as he reaches into the pocket of his sweatpants and grabs his phone, dialing 999.

the boy with his head in the toilet knows who he's calling and he reaches over to try and grab it but he barely even has the energy to.

"louis, i have to call an ambulance," he shakes his head, unruly curls bouncing on top of his head. there are tears in his eyes, trying so hard not to have a breakdown because he wants to be strong for louis.

the other man doesn't even protest anymore, closing his eyes and sticking his head right back into the toilet bowl.

-

"harry styles?" a nurse calls out.

harry, liam, and zayn have been sitting in the waiting room of the hospital for a couple of hours now, as harry had called them as soon as the ambulance arrived.

he's been crying against zayn's warm shoulder since they'd both met him here, shielding his rosy face from everyone else in the room.

when the nurse calls his name, he immediately pipes his head up and stands up, wiping at his wet cheeks. "is he okay?" he asks, voice trembling.

she nods, giving him a sympathetic sort of smile. "we've got him hooked up to an iv, and he's conscious," she explains, leading him down the hallway toward louis' room.

he doesn't want to see him. he really doesn't. but he can't help it, he needs to know he's okay.

louis looks half-asleep when harry walks into the room, bags under his eyes and looking older than ever. "hey, hazza," he greets, voice scruffy. he's sure his throat hurts after all the puking he's done.

"hi," he says back, head pounding. his belly still hurts, and he knows louis is staring at him as he scrunches up his face and leans against the wall.

it's quiet until harry inches closer to the man on the hospital bed and then louis clears his throat as he links their fingers together gently. "they're trying to send me to rehab," he murmurs.

harry nods, although he had no idea, and avoids eye contact as he thinks of what to say. "i'm sorry for what i said," he croaks, just loud enough for louis and only louis to hear. "i didn't mean any of it, i-i was just mad because..."

louis doesn't reply to that, but instead changes the subject. "i didn't spend all your money," he admits, eyes closed. "i felt bad for taking it so i sold the drugs and got the money back. left it on the coffee table, i was hoping you'd find it after you found me, but," he shrugs, like it's so simple.

the curly-haired boy's heart picks up the pace as he continues to hold louis' hand, still avoiding all eye contact. "i think we should break up," he says, bottom lip trembling. he's breaking his own heart doing this. "just, until you get done with rehab and i know you're better."

it's almost as if you can hear his heart shattering, sitting down in one of the various chairs around the room so he can hide his face in his hands and sob pathetically.

the only sound in the room is harry's weeps, while louis just stares at him.

"are you gonna come visit me sometimes, at least?" he asks, breaking that terrifying silence. he watches harry use one hand to hold his own baby bump, rubbing the skin there with his thumb. "am... am i gonna be back in time before she's born?"

that only makes harry cry harder, feeling like an absolute child for breaking down like this. "i don't know, louis," he brings his hand up to exaggerate his point, and then immediately puts it back over his face, embarrassed.

he stands up, hiccuping loudly, and goes toward the door, wishing for nothing more than to leave.

"i-i have to go, i'm sorry," he blurts, and then scurries out of the room and back into the waiting area.

liam is already standing there with his arms out so he can hug the boy, who they can tell is in pain.

they help him out of the entire building and into their car, in the backseat. "i broke up with him," he admits, beginning to calm down only the slightest bit.

liam starts the car just to turn on the air conditioning, as zayn wipes the boy's tears with the pads of his thumbs. "good," he coos, nodding. "that's good, love, you need time for yourself."

"but i still love him," he weeps.

to say the least, he's screwed.


	21. twenty

louis is discharged from the hospital only a couple days later, and, accompanied by harry, is escorted to a rehabilitation center out of town, because it's the cheapest option they could afford.

in reality, liam and zayn paid for most of it. harry tried to spend all of his baby money on all of this but they insisted, practically forcing him to tuck the money away and not spend a single cent of it for anything but him and the baby.

the other two boys bid louis their goodbyes while he's still in the hospital, wishing him good luck and reassuring him that he's gonna be okay. harry, however, doesn't say much until they're in the lobby of the rehab building, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his face in his chest.

"bye hazza," louis murmurs, trying to hug him back as closely as he can with a duffel bag of clothes strapped over his shoulder.

the curly-haired boy wills away the tears that build up in his eyes, only continuing to hide his face hidden from everyone's view. "goodbye, lou," he whispers, just loud enough for him to hear it.

they stand there and hug until one of the staff members clears their throats and signals that they should show louis his new room. that's when they finally pull away, and louis gives the other boy's shoulders a squeeze. "i love you so much. don't say it back," he casts a sympathetic smile toward him and then kisses him on the forehead gently.

harry doesn't respond, just smiles back and watches him walk down the white and blue hallway with a sluggish posture.

as soon as louis is out of sight, he turns around and leaves, getting in his car so he can cry without anyone seeing it.

-

it's been an entire week since louis had been sent to rehab, and, if harry's being honest, it's the most relaxing week he's had in years.

there's nothing to worry about except making sure him and his little one have eaten enough or if the house is clean (he's begun nesting as well now). it's really, really nice. he goes for walks and cooks nice dinners for himself and rearranges the furniture pretty much everyday now.

except he would never tell louis that he's better off without him. it would break his heart and he knows it.

which is why, when he gets a call from the man in the late afternoon, he acts like it's business as usual.

"hey, lou," he answers, laying on the couch with a nickelodeon cartoon playing on the telly. "how are you?"

he hears louis sniffle and frowns, because although he's having the time of his life at home alone, he still feels bad for sending him there. then again, it wasn't entirely his choice. "horrible," the man over the phone croaks, hiccuping.

harry's frown deepens, turning the volume down on his tv so he can focus on their conversation instead. "why?" he asks, sitting up a little. "are they treating you well?"

it's almost as if harry can tell he's nodding, even though they're miles away from each other. "i miss you guys," he basically whines, almost hyperventilating.

"we miss you, too, lou."

"i wanna go home."

"i know, louis. just calm down, okay?"

all louis does is snivel on the other end, trying to calm himself down because he'd do anything harry asked.

"remember my plan?" the only calm one asks, closing his eyes. "i'm gonna visit you every two weeks. before you know it, you'll be home," he soothes, with a soft voice.

that makes louis smile and harry knows it does, as he closes his eyes and wraps his blanket farther around himself. "i just miss you a lot," he mumbles, harry can hear him wiping his tears off of his wet cheeks. "and peanut, too."

harry furrows his brows, little smile on his face. "peanut?" he repeats in a confused tone.

"i made a friend, that's what his wife calls their baby," the man explains. "d'you like it? i can come up with something-"

he shakes his head rapidly for nobody to see. "no, i love it," he giggles a bit, bottom lip between his teeth as he looks down at the baby bump between his hips. "she's definitely not peanut sized anymore, though."

somehow, louis' gotten shy since his first day there, not responding but laughing a little under his breath so harry knows he's happy as can be there.

it's silent then, but it's comfortable. that is, until louis finally decides to speak up.

"are you two okay?" he asks, clearing his throat.

harry nods again stupidly, facepalming himself with his nose scrunched up. "we're good, lou," he sighs. "would you be mad if i paint our bedroom blue?" he asks, changing the subject without even meaning to. he's just curious.

"you can do whatever you want, hazza. as long as you don't hurt yourself in the process."

harry promises that he won't get hurt, and that he's gonna get help from zayn and liam. louis thanks him for being careful and for answering the call, to which harry responds that of course he'd answer.

when they say their goodnights, harry beats him to what he knew he was going to say.

"i love you so much," he tells him, still gleaming. "don't say it back."


	22. twenty-one

it should have been obvious that things would go downward the longer louis is gone. for some reason harry doesn't think about that.

that is, until he's at work and he runs into oscar again.

the man comes up to him while he's sitting at the reception desk and more-or-less tosses some papers at him, refusing to look at him. "make some copies," he demands, retreating to his own desk.

as much as he dislikes him, he knows he has to do what he's asked. he's already on tough boundaries since he'd fallen asleep as his desk a few times in the last couple of weeks and the manager had scolded him and told him to go get a coffee or something. (a coffee. while he's pregnant. somehow it's possible to be that stupid, harry thinks).

he gets up as swiftly as he can with a whole twenty pound baby bump between his hips, and makes his way toward the copier across the room.

as soon as he gets there, somebody crashes into him, forcing him to spill all the papers on the floor. he's about to bend over to pick them all up when the person across from him does it instead, holding their hand up to signal for him to stay there.

"i'm so sorry," the curly-haired boy squeaks, cheeks flushed.

the man picking up his papers (niall, harry remembers) just looks up at him and shakes his head, casting a sympathetic glance his way. "no, don't worry, love, it's alright."

the reassurance doesn't help much because before he can even speak again, oscar is behind him, breathing down his neck. "oh my god, harry, can you do anything right?" he asks, quite loudly.

heads turn toward him as if he's being bullied in middle school, and he shrinks away from him and scurries to grab the papers out of niall's hands so he can hurry up and use the copier.

"he's six months pregnant, mate, i think he's got bigger things to worry about," he can hear the blond argue, as he shoves the papers into the copier and waits very impatiently for them to finish.

the old man snickers, and nudges harry with his elbow like it's some sort of funny joke. "big is right," he quips, bottom lip snug between his teeth.

niall is the only one of the two that realizes harry is close to tears, hands trembling where they rest on top of the machine. he leans over so he can speak to him without anyone hearing, telling him that he's got it and to go hide out in the restroom for a sec.

harry does. as soon as he's free from everyone's sight and can no longer hear the men arguing, he begins to weep inside one of the stalls, head against the wall. 

he misses louis so much. he knows when he gets home he's going to have to make himself feel better and he hates it. he yearns for the day he had come home crying and louis had made him dinner and complimented him and helped him get his shoes off as soon as he'd walked through the door.

as much as he hates to admit it, he misses louis more than he misses anything else in the world.

-

a call from the rehab center is not what he's expecting when he gets home.

he's terrified to answer it, worried that it's about louis and that he's somehow managed to escape or relapse. but when he answers, louis is speaking to him.

"hey, haz, they said if i keep being good, i should be able to come home before the baby-"

harry sniffles, sitting on the couch with his legs crossed underneath him and unoccupied hand wiping at his eyes. "that's great, lou," he nods, and he's being sincere. it makes him happy to hear that but at the same time he doesn't want him to be gone that long. that's still so long.

louis' tone shifts. "are you crying?" he asks.

when there's no reply from his end, louis takes matters into his own hands.

"it was oscar again, wasn't it?"

"yeah," harry nods again, continuing to look down at his belly with a sad pout on his face. "he made fun of my weight," he admits with a sniffle.

he hears louis growl on the other end of the phone. "what a dick."

"yeah," the curly-haired boy swallows thickly.

he starts to cry again until his ex-boyfriend interrupts. "baby, baby," he coos. harry wishes he were there to hold him. "honey, you're not fat, you're stunning. you're just full of our little peanut, that's all."

it's silent as harry rubs at his wet eyes and then squeezes them shut, trying to stop his tears but failing miserably.

"hazza," the older man whispers, trying to get his attention when they're so far apart from each other. "when you come visit next time, i have something for you. i hope you like it, i picked it out myself," he speaks hesitantly, voice fading to just above a murmur.

the crying boy, who isn't crying much anymore, giggles, resting his head against his hand. "i miss you so much," he glances over at a photo of them hung on the wall, frowning.

and he really, really does.


	23. twenty-two

the rehabilitation center is quiet today. harry finds it extremely comforting, not getting much silence at home because liam and zayn are constantly coming over to bring him out of his boredom and set up baby stuff in the nursery.

he also finds solace knowing that louis is just right down the hall as he checks himself in and waits patiently for the woman in front of him to tell him he's allowed to go in. as soon as she does, he practically slides across the floor so he can get there as fast as he can. he's missed louis so much.

louis is in his room, sleeping, when a worker allows harry into the room. he doesn't even stir until harry sets his bag down on the ground and crawls into bed with him, tickling the tip of his nose so he scrunches it up in his sleep.

"hey there, sleepyhead," he whispers, giggling.

the older boy squints open his eyes and grins, teeth and all. he wraps his arms around him immediately, blindly kissing the side of his face and breathing in his scent. "i missed you so much," he groans.

harry's smile is big as can be, just like the baby bump in between his hips, that gets in the way of their embrace.

louis notices that, as he pulls away only so he can look down at his stomach with his eyes sparkling. "hey, only a month and a half left, right?" he asks.

he's very surprised louis remembers that. he nods, closing his eyes and snuggling closer. "been a pain in my butt, the little one," he complains, but he really loves it. well, except for the faux contractions.

"i'm excited, really," louis murmurs, putting his hand on his hip. "our peanut is gonna be here so soon."

the smaller of the two nods, and then he reaches up to scratch at louis' stubble. "she's gonna have the best dad ever," he hums.

he knows louis is absolutely flustered without even having to open his eyes to look. "yeah, maybe you."

"trust me when i say you're going to be an amazing father. there's no doubt in the world."

"sap."

it's silent as harry repositions himself to get comfortable, until louis sits up and runs the sleep out of his eyes so he can grab something from the closet. "remember when i told you i got you something?" he asks, as if harry wouldn't remember such a sweet thing. when the boy nods, he hands the big bag over to him with a sheepish smile.

inside the bag is a pillow for his belly, a square one that should be able to work in any place he wants to lay down. he holds it close to his chest and sticks his bottom lip out into a pout.

"if you don't like it, i can have zayn send it back, he picked it up from the post office-"

harry shakes his head, looking close to tears. "no, louis, i love it, i really needed this, thank you," his hand drifts to the small of his back, that's been in pain for months because of the uncomfortableness of his mattress at home.

the anxious boy across the room lets out a breath of relief, sitting down next to harry on the bed. "that's not everything," he motions to the bag filled with the rest of his gifts.

he starts rubbing his ex-lover's back gently while he opens his other things. he watches as harry takes out a teddy bear and holds it in his other arm, smiling. "thank you," he sniffles.

louis nods, kissing his temple once before he settles down on the bed, leaving space for the other boy. "come cuddle, hazza."

they do cuddle. harry falls asleep with his new pillow tucked under his stomach and the teddy bear against his chest. louis falls asleep shortly after with harry cooped up in his arms and the biggest smile on his face he's probably ever had.

louis is so much better than he used to be. harry's more proud than he'll ever know.


	24. twenty-three

louis is expected to get out of rehab in three weeks, just in time for harry's due date.

which is why he's starting to freak out when he gets a big contraction as he's making breakfast this morning. he grips onto the egg he's holding so hard the shell cracks, spilling all over his hand as the unoccupied one goes to touch his belly.

there's no way he's going into labor. he's not due for three more weeks.

so he brushes it off as just another silly little braxton hick and eats breakfast and goes to work. big mistake, turns out.

he's sitting at reception when niall comes up to his desk and drums his fingers on the surface. harry looks up and smiles at him, glad he has somebody to distract him from his work.

"hey, got any copies you need to make?" the blond asks, casting a kind smile his way. he's the only person with some positivity around here. "i just finished a sales call, got nothin' else to do."

harry shakes his head, although he does have a couple copies to make. he just doesn't want to give his new friend any more work than he already has during the day. everyone acts like getting up to make some copies is the most tiresome thing for him. "no, could use a walk, though," he suggests, with a shrug of his heavy shoulders.

the only thing he needs help with is getting up out of his chair, which, now that he thinks about it, is the ultimate destroyer of his back. he lets niall come to the other side of the desk so he can grab his hands and pull him up, grabbing the both of their jackets before they make their way out of the door and into the elevator.

they aren't even down to the ground floor when another pain ripples through his abdomen, forcing him to lean back against the dirty wall and hiss through his teeth.

"are you alright?" the only other person in sight asks, visibly concerned. his automatic instinct is to place a hand on his back and help him keep his balance in the rickety elevator.

the curly-haired boy nods, only to reassure himself. "yes, yeah, sorry, just some braxtons again."

niall doesn't seem to believe him, coaxing him through the contraction and not speaking until it passes. "you sure it's not labor, love? i'm serious, i'll drive you to the hospital if you need-"

"niall, i'm not going into labor, i'm fine," harry swallows thickly. before niall can take note of his trembling hands, the elevator door opens and he hurries as fast as he can out of there.

of course niall is hesitant to believe him, but he lets the situation die off and decides he'll wait until it happens again to interrogate him.

and it does happen about an hour later, when he's returning from the toilets because the baby is sitting right on his bladder. he freezes in his place, hand against the wall and gathering the attention of everyone in the office.

someone rushes to his side and he finally quits squeezing his eyes closed and turns his head to look at her. "i'm fine, don't worry," he shakes his head, brushing off the stern hand on his shoulder. he waddles off to his desk before anybody can see his anxiety.

"just to put into perspective, when are you due?" niall asks, following him to his desk.

harry sighs, typing mindlessly on his computer to distract himself. "in three weeks. louis' supposed to be home before the birth."

"please don't tell me you're gonna refuse to go to the hospital for three more weeks, harry," he responds, deadpanned. he already knows the answer.

the curly-haired boy sighs again, avoiding eye contact. "you don't-"

"harry," niall presses. he reaches across the desk to grab harry's hand and bring it away from the keyboard, trying to get his attention. he leans forward, voice hushed. "if you go into labor, you have to go to the hospital. please promise me you will."

harry nods, uneasy. "okay, i promise," he says.

his promise is useless.


	25. twenty-four

niall, being the nice bloke he is, absolutely refuses to let harry go home alone. he forces harry to get ahold of liam and zayn and arrange a ride back to their house instead of his own for the night. he would say he's grateful for the gesture but he wants to be alone. his friends being around him are gonna stress him out by worrying about whether or not he's going into labor or if he needs to go to the hospital. he's about five seconds away from having a full-fledged anxiety attack. it's quite obvious, isn't it?

if it wasn't apparent then, it sure is now, as he sits in liam and zayn's living room with an uneasy expression on his face and a blanket wrapped around his trembling shoulders. they're watching a talk show on the telly and his two best friends occasionally laugh at something the host has said. harry doesn't laugh at all. he would - under different circumstances - but right now he feels sick to his stomach and would much rather be at home alone to wallow in discomfort.

he gets up after a minute or two so he can waddle over to the kitchen and start doing the dishes, occupying himself so he'll stop worrying.

liam enters the room shortly after, brows drawn together. "what're you doing?" he asks, startling the other boy.

harry doesn't bother to turn around, continuing to clean with soapy, shaky hands. "washing the dishes," he states with a shrug.

the older man sighs, reaching over to turn off the water and drying off harry's hands with a towel. he looks him in the eyes and shakes his head. "go sit down, haz," he instructs, ignoring his protests.

"but-"

"go."

"i'm j-"

"harry," he snaps, soft enough that he doesn't startle him at all. he puts his hand on his back and leads him back into the living room, making him sit down in his previous spot on the couch.

zayn leans forward so he can look at harry on the other end of the sofa, watching him cautiously. "feeling alright, haz?" he asks.

the boy nods but immediately puts his face in his hands and bursts into tears, scratching the side of his face anxiously.

liam comes back into the room upon hearing his friend crying and crouches down to look him in the eyes, forehead creased. "hey, i didn't mean to yell at you, i'm sorry," he coos, gently taking his hands in his own.

harry just shakes his head, sniffling. "i don't wanna have my baby yet," he croaks, looking down at his stomach with his eyes blown.

"hazza, you're gonna feel so much better when you do," zayn reassures, scooting closer to his boyfriend and his best friend.

"but i can't do it without louis," he protests. his breaths are rapid and his hands begin to tremble again before he gets up and hurries to the washroom so he can throw up.

liam follows him as zayn rushes into the kitchen to grab a bottle of cold water and a wet washcloth for him.

-

harry is sitting hunched over in the guest bedroom with his head in his hands, still crying. liam and zayn are next to him, rubbing his back and brushing his unruly curls out of his roseate face.

liam leaves the room upon hearing his phone ring in the living room, not returning for about five minutes. when he comes back in, he's still on the phone. he hands it to harry with a sheepish smile. "it's for you," he tells him.

the boy sniffles, taking the phone from him and holding it up to his ear hesitantly. "hello?" he answers.

"hey, you," a voice hums over the phone. he automatically knows who it is and he begins to cry even harder. "your buddy niall just dropped by."

"i'm sorry, i-i should've told you-"

louis interrupts him, chuckling a little. "i'm not mad at you, lovey," he says, cooing at him. "just glad i get to talk to you before it happens."

harry shakes his head although louis can't see him, hiccuping. "i want you to be there," he argues, breathing shakily.

"i would give anything if it meant i could be there with you, hazza. you know that."

zayn and liam are talking in the doorway about something completely inaudible to harry. they kiss once on the lips and then zayn leaves through the front door. he supposes it's to stop at harry's house and grab his hospital bag. liam busies himself with cleaning up the dirty laundry scattered around the floor.

"harry, you're gonna do great," his ex-lover assures, listening to harry's stifling sobs. "i wish i could be there, trust me. i made liam promise to hold your hand so you can pretend i'm with you. might have to look away, though, he's not as handsome as me," he quips, laughing at himself.

it makes harry laugh, too, wiping his tears away and beginning to calm down. "promise you'll be there for the next one?" he asks, a serious question.

he can hear louis clear his throat on the other end. "the next one...?" he repeats with a voice crack.

"well, yeah. give it a couple years, though."

louis laughs, muffled. harry imagines that he's leaning against the wall with his hand over his mouth like he always does. it makes him smile. "i gotta go, i would stay on the phone with you at the hospital but they're making me go to bed. i feel like a five year old," he sighs.

the curly-haired boy giggles, a few tears dripping down his cheeks. "i'm scared, lou," he admits, face flushed. "i don't-"

"go have our baby, idiot," the older man orders in a warm tone. "i love you so much. i'll call you tomorrow."

-

he wakes up hours later by sitting up and pulling his blanket away to see a dark puddle between his legs. he can hear liam and zayn whispering to each other from where they lay on the floor next to the bed, and then sit up to look at him, confused. "you alright, harry?" one of them asks. he doesn't bother to figure out who's who.

he can't even find it in himself to speak, just sitting there with his mouth agape. "...my water broke," he murmurs.

they both get up and zayn scurries out of the room to pack the car. liam grabs him a change of clothes and lets him get changed before leading him outside to the car and into the backseat.

harry is terrified, to say the least.


	26. twenty-five

"hey, haz. wasn't sure if you had your phone on you so i called your hospital room extension instead. sorry i'm calling so early, i know you're asleep, or still in labor, in which case, i'm so sorry. i couldn't sleep at all last night, that's why i'm up. enough rambling, though. just wanted to see how you're doing. uh, i'll give you a call in a few hours. let me know if our little peanut decided to make an appearance yet. okay, bye, hazza. i love you so much."

incoming call!

harry reaches over with his eyes closed to grab the hospital phone from the table next to him, holding it up to his ear with the bottom of it tucked under his chin. there's drool drying up on the side of his face and he can't be bothered to wipe it off because he's so tired. "hello?" he answers, practically snoring half-consciously into the phone's speaker.

"hey, did i wake you?" louis asks, sounding guilty.

the curly-haired boy shrugs, forgetting that nobody can see him. "little bit, yeah," he hums.

"i'm sorry, haz, i'll call you la-"

"six pounds, three ounces," harry interrupts, smiling when louis finally shuts up. he can imagine the look on his face and he giggles a little, pulling his blanket up over his shoulder and readjusting his head on the pillow.

louis lets out a breathy laugh. "does she look like me?" he asks. when harry tells him that yes, she does, he laughs again and says, "gross."

the boy in the hospital bed scoffs, finally opening his eyes to look over at the baby in her bassinet. she's sound asleep, tiny fingers tucked into a loose fist against her chest. "don't call our baby ugly," he pouts. he drapes his arm over the edge of the bed so he can stroke her face gently with only his index finger. she stirs a little, but stays asleep. "she has your eyes. not much hair yet, though," he explains. he wishes he were there to see it in person. they would snuggle up in the hospital bed and louis would rub his back because it literally aches and every time the baby cried louis would immediately grab her and hold her close to his chest, humming sweet little lullabies into her ears while he twisted the tiny wisps of caramel-colored hair around at the nape of her neck.

it's silent for a while. harry knows he's thinking. what about, he doesn't know.

"what're you thinkin' about, lou?" he asks, closing his eyes again. sometimes he likes to sit there and imagine the things louis describes to him over the phone.

the older boy sighs. "you," he admits. his cheeks are probably flushed. "uh, what did you name her?" he asks. he completely forgot to mention her name at all.

"hear me out," harry clears his throat. "i've been trying to think of a good name that i thought we'd both like but i didn't figure this one out until i was on the way to the hospital so i never got to ask for your input," he sighs, a pout on his lips. "but i named her lennon."

louis doesn't say anything at first and harry worries that he hates the name. he's about to offer to change it, somehow, even though it's already on the birth certificate, but the other man interrupts. "like... after john lennon?" he asks, words slow as if he's trying to put the pieces together in his head.

"your favorite song is literally a john lennon song, louis," the curly-haired boy teases. "whatever gets you thru the night? ring a bell to you?"

"of course you named her after my favorite song," he retorts, laughing in complete and utter revelation. "i'm so in love with you, oh my god," he continues to laugh.

harry doesn't know why he's laughing but he absolutely adores hearing the sound and doesn't want him to ever stop. his heart is full but at the same time it's missing a piece, because his other half is in a rehabilitation center and not in the hospital with their newborn. but he knows he needs to be there as much as he yearns for him.

louis finally calms down after giggling in amusement of the fact that harry sacrificed their own child's name just so it could be after his favorite singer. his laughter comes to a complete halt when he no longer hears harry on the other end. "hey, did you fall asleep?" he asks, concerned.

"it would be impossible for me to fall asleep while you're laughing your ass off over there," he grumbles, eyes still closed. in all honesty, he does want to go back to bed. but he knows he has a baby to take care of, alone, and he also needs to hop in the shower and get the grease out of his hair.

"sorry, haz. can't help myself, you're the sweetest."


	27. twenty-six

taking care of a baby alone is hard.

harry has to hitch a ride from niall when he leaves the hospital and he has to sit out there on a bench next to an old man who won't stop coughing. he places the car seat on the other side of him so that lennon doesn't get sick.

when niall gets there, they have a lot of trouble actually getting the car seat into the car. they both attempt to hook it up in the backseat but their arms tangle up and at one point harry accidentally whacks him in the face trying to help.

on the way home, harry sits in the passenger seat with his forehead pressed against the cold glass of the window. he closes his eyes, already exhausted, and thinks about louis.

he misses him a lot. he would do anything if it meant louis could be home, safe, with him and their baby. the yearning to be with him never fades. he's not sure it will even go away when louis is home, no matter how close.

the first night between the two sucks. harry's used to having a nurse on-call in case he's worried about why the baby is crying so much or why she's not eating much. he knows it's irrational to be scared of every single thing that happens but he can't help it.

lennon cries on and off for three hours straight when harry tries to grab a bite to eat from the kitchen for only a couple of minutes. he cradles her against his chest while he sits on the couch and eats, an uneasy expression on his face.

the girl finally settles and harry literally cheers to himself, closing his eyes and settling against the back of the couch cushion. his bowl of spaghetti-o's sits on the table, half-empty. he's so hungry but he's too scared to make another move and risk scaring the baby.

just as he shifts a bit to get comfortable on the sofa, lennon coughs once and then begins to weep into his chest, screeching through her cries at times.

"come on, lennon rose," he coos, overwhelmed. he just can't get her to stop crying.

and pretty soon he's crying because nothing he's doing is working and he's alone with a four day old baby and has never been so overwhelmed over anything like this. he knows he should be better at it.

his phone rings as he's pacing the hallway and he hurries as fast as he can with a baby in his arms to grab it, knowing who it is without even having to look at the caller id.

"is everything okay over there?" louis asks upon hearing the two crying on the other end. harry can hear the concern in his voice and his heart aches. "haz?" he repeats, even though he knows he's there.

the curly-haired boy sniffles, shaking his head to himself. "yeah, just having a bad day, 's all," he admits. he tucks his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he repositions lennon, who's still sobbing. "i-i can't get her to stop crying."

the older man on the phone is silent for a minute and harry wants to yell at him. he wants to be angry that he's not trying to help but all he can do is continue to snivel where he stands in the kitchen. but louis does speak eventually. "could you put me on speaker?" he asks, gentle.

harry has no clue why that's his suggestion, but he does what he's asked anyway. he sets the phone down on the counter so he can hold his daughter in both arms and wait for his lover to speak. "you're on speaker, lou," he informs, trying not to speak too loudly over lennon's loud cries.

louis clears his throat and tells harry not to embarrass him before he switches to a cooing voice, speaking to the baby like any parent would. "hi, peanut," he greets. she immediately turns her head toward the phone, quieting down a bit. louis hears her squeak in response and he chuckles. "d'you remember my voice? wish i could see you in person, i haven't even seen your cute little face yet."

the curly-haired brunet holding their baby sniffles, smiling in a melancholy way. he wipes the tears off his cheeks with the cuff of his sweater, as well as the baby's.

lennon pillows her head against harry's chest with another squeak, closing her eyes. her long eyelashes flutter against her rosy cheeks, and her once-pouting lips curl up when harry strokes the soft skin just above her eyebrow. "papa will have to show me photos of you next time he comes to see me," louis interrupts their moment of peace, but, somehow, he doesn't startle the girl in the slightest.

"i only see you one more time before you come home," harry mentions, grinning from ear to ear. 

"i know," louis responds, smile audible. "i can't wait to see you."

the baby falls asleep shortly after louis bids her goodnight and tells her that he'll see her soon, even though she doesn't understand a thing he's saying. harry puts her in her crib and makes sure she's okay before he changes into one of louis' sweatshirts and gets into bed. "thank you, louis," he murmurs into the phone, already half-asleep.

"'f course, hazza," he replies, voice still as calm as it was when he was speaking to their baby. "i'll let you go to bed now, okay? i love you so much."

"i love you, too," harry immediately says back, with no hesitation whatsoever. he hears louis' breath hitch a little and he giggles, pulling his blanket up over his shoulder. "come on, don't act like you didn't know that already," he shakes his head. they say goodnight before finally hanging up.

that night, they both dream of each other. louis tells him about it during their next phone call. pretty soon, they won't have to dream of seeing each other anymore. and harry is thrilled.


	28. twenty-seven

harry is in the nursery, changing lennon's nappy, when he hears the front door open down the hall. he assumes it's liam or zayn, stopping by to say hello and spend time with their goddaughter. he doesn't even bother calling out to whoever it is because he knows he's safe - only three people have the key.

he hears two pairs of footsteps maneuver down the hallway, stopping short just outside his bedroom door. once again, it doesn't bother him. he assumes whoever it is is just looking around for him. he finishes fastening the sides of his baby's diaper before he picks her up and sets her down in her crib, just for the time being.

it only freaks him out when he hears someone speak a couple of minutes later. "you did paint our bedroom blue," they say, grin evident in his voice.

he turns around to see louis, standing in the doorway, and gasps, laughing when the other boy holds his arms out as an invitation to cuddle up to him. he sprints across the room and buries his face in louis' chest, giggling out of pure shock. "i thought you weren't coming home until tonight!" he says when he pulls away, arms wrapped around his neck.

"well, originally, i was gonna take you out for dinner as a surprise, but that was before the baby was born," he explains, faux pout on his lips. he can't help but grin afterward, squeezing harry's hips (that are definitely fuller than they were about 10 months ago). "but... i brought friends!"

the more harry listens, the better he can hear liam and zayn speaking in the living room. he pouts, refusing to let go of his hold on his boy. "i'm tired, lou," he whines, quiet enough so that their best friends don't hear their conversation.

louis shakes his head, but he understands why the other boy is exhausted. taking care of a newborn isn't easy. "zayn offered to make dinner, and i'm sure they won't mind if you fall asleep," he tells him.

"who's gonna take care of-"

"me... duh," the older man smiles, teeth and all, and lets go of harry so he can look around the room. he's in awe of all the cute decorations and how everything in the room matches. he immediately turns back to harry, who's just watching him sheepishly. "where's my girl?" he asks.

harry's heart bursts, motioning to the crib on the other side of the room. louis hurries over and harry can hear lennon squeal when she sees her daddy's face for the first time ever. he picks her up, cradling her and supporting her head with his hand that's almost twice the size of her head.

he looks up at harry after a moment of staring at their baby, and if harry got a closer look, he would realize that there are tears in his eyes. "she's incredible," he murmurs, voice rising an octave. he keeps glancing between harry and lennon, trying to spot the similarities between them. "i love her, i love you, i can't believe we made her, holy shit."

"language," harry chastises, but he's beaming. louis notices he's still got that glow on his face, despite how tired he's been the last three weeks. he walks over to him, baby still in his arms, and kisses him on the forehead, allowing him to lead them out of the room and into the living room to say hello to their mates.

-

louis doesn't put the baby down all night.

he switches his holding position a million times, mostly just because he wants to look at her cute little face. he accidentally pokes her in the eye and he almost cries, apologizing profusely even though the girl is too young to understand him. she doesn't even cry all that much about it anyway. but he still feels terrible.

the only time he sets her down is when it's time to eat dinner, largely because harry forced him to go put her down for a nap in the nursery. are you sure? what if something bad happens while i'm away? louis had asked. harry had shook his head and explained that he was pretty sure he knew the baby's schedule better than he did.

the four adults sit at the dining table, the couples sitting across from one another. louis is pretty sure zayn is doing something to his boyfriend underneath the table and he excuses himself to the restroom so he can burst out laughing about it. at one point, harry knocks on the door and scurries inside, hand over his mouth so louis can't see his smile when he giggles. "you left me for dead out there!" he whisper-shouts, smacking his arm playfully.

"i'm sorry! i couldn't keep it together!" louis whisper-yells back. their noses are almost touching. every time one of them laughs, their noses bump against each other.

"i wish they would keep it in their pants," harry scrunches up his nose, still chuckling. he flings his hands up exasperatedly and in annoyance of how weird their friends are. "i mean, they're eating dinner at someone else's house and they still can't."

louis nods in agreement, and they both settle down a bit before they stand there in silence. he doesn't realize that his eyes are trailing down to his lips until harry leans a little closer and he can feel his hot, pasta-scented breath against his own lips.

it isn't long before they both grab each other's faces and start to kiss, tongues tangled together and breaths heavy. it's messy - harry is pressed against the sink counter and louis' hands are shaking from where his fingers grip his unruly curls at the back of his head. they make out for two minutes before they're both left panting and groping each other.

harry can feel louis' hard-on through his pants, pressed against his belly, and he reaches between them so he can unzip the other boy's pants. he won't lie and say he's not incredibly nervous to do something like this. they haven't done anything more than kiss and touch each other through their clothes in almost a year.

"is this okay?" the curly-haired boy asks, pulling away from their kiss as a string of saliva hangs between their swollen lips.

louis nods exasperatedly, nudging harry with his nose so that he'll crane his neck and allow him to press breathy kisses against his skin. "haz, they're gonna wonder what's taking so long," he murmurs into his neck.

harry shakes his head, immediately slipping his hand into louis' boxers. "i'll be quick," he promises.

they do make it quick. when they finally retreat back to the kitchen, liam and zayn are sitting as far apart as possible, trying to make it obvious that they definitely weren't doing anything while they were gone. harry and louis do the same thing, and together they eat in silence, rosy cheeks and awkward glances filling the room.


	29. twenty-eight

harry's maternity leave doesn't end for two more weeks. he's been home for eight weeks but he's still exhausted.

louis' been helping a lot. harry loves him so much, he can't believe he had to spend so much time without him.

the only downside of having a family now, besides the twelve diaper changes every day and waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby, is that harry and louis don't get to have much time together. louis' been looking around for a job so he can start to provide for them, and harry has been trying to get some rest because taking care of a baby is not easy.

he wakes up in the middle of the night like he usually does because he wants to check up on lennon. he always ends up laying on the couch with her in his arms until he feels safe enough to put her back in her crib, which sits, empty, on the other side of their bedroom.

seeing the crib empty gives him quite a fright. sometimes he forgets that louis' home and is also capable of caring for their daughter whenever he wants. his heartbeat still refuses to settle until he pads into the living room to see the two.

louis is laying on the floor with lennon curled up on his chest. he's rubbing her back and cooing quietly every time she gurgles in complete happiness. harry's heart soars as he rubs his eyes and tries to knock some of the tiredness out of himself.

"did she wake you?" he asks, startling the man on the floor.

he looks up at harry, shaking his head as best as he can when everything he sees is upside down. "no, i couldn't sleep anyway," he tells him.

harry motions to the carpeted floor with his forehead creased, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed so he doesn't pass out from complete exhaustion and give himself a concussion. "what're you guys doing?"

louis looks down at the baby on his chest and then back up at his lover, smiling. "tummy time," he sings. lennon lets out the most adorable little giggle and picks her head up just as much as she can muster.

"are you sure that's safe?" the curly-haired boy asks, a worried look on his face. he watches her stick out her tongue and blow a raspberry at her dad, and some of his worries melt away.

the older man hums to tell him that yes, tummy time is safe, and is actually beneficial for their little one. all he does is pat the ground next to him and wait for harry to come join him.

before harry lays down next to them, he grabs a throw blanket and a pillow off of the sofa so he can be comfortable. now all three of them are laying on the floor, gazing at each other. harry curls up against louis' side and pillows his head on his shoulder, beaming at their baby. he seriously can't even believe she's real. "you should tell her a story," he suggests.

"i don't think she understands words yet," louis ponders aloud.

the younger boy just pouts, snuggling impossibly close to him. he reaches over to brush his shaggy hair out of his face with a smile. "well, i'll listen."

louis sighs, stroking lennon's cheek gently. he sighs, twisting his mouth and trying to come up with a way to start his story. "okay..." he sighs, looking down at their daughter rather than the boy next to him. "once upon a time, i was born-"

"louis," harry interrupts, giggling loudly. he nudges louis' arm, rolling his eyes playfully. "please don't tell her your life story."

"alright, alright," he groans, laughing as well. when he finally calms down, he stares up at the ceiling. "once upon a time, i was starting my last year of college and i was walking to class and the only seat left was next to this stupid, annoying jerk named harry styles,"he begins, laughing again because he knows harry's mouth is agape in offense. "i hated him at first because he and his friends would never shut up and were always trying to be embarrassingly funny, but then we came back from semester break and almost every day he came to class in tears and i had finally gotten the courage to speak to him and i asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink that night. he said yes because he just couldn't resist me, and then we met up at my dorm room, and that was the first time i had actually really looked at him and i fell head over heels. i couldn't believe that the stupid douchebag i'd hated all this time was actually not that bad of a guy... he told me about his friends and how he only acted like them because he wanted to fit in and nobody else wanted to be friends with him. i told him i would love to be friends with him. it turns out we were more than friends because we both had a bit too much to drink and your papa had thrown up all over my shirt when we were dancing and i laughed so hard i cried, and then i was trying to get all the puke off my pants in the bathroom when he leaned up and kissed me. we didn't talk about it for weeks and just continued talking like we were new friends, but then we were hanging out at his dorm and he had apologized for puking on me and i had said so you're not sorry about our kiss? and he shook his head and then i made the move, because i'm awesome, and i kissed him."

while louis pauses to take a breath, harry slaps a hand over his mouth to keep himself from bursting into laughter just thinking about that night at the bar. he wishes they could have more drunk moments like that but he never wants to see a single speck of alcohol in the house ever again. "okay, and then what?" he asks.

"then we hung out a lot and kissed a lot and did other things a lot and daddy almost failed his class because he was too caught up with staring at papa every morning. he helped me cram for our final exam and i ended up passing, so i bought us a bottle of champagne and we went on a picnic at sunset and talked about the future. i asked him to officially be my boyfriend that night. he said yes. when we graduated, i asked him to move in with me and he said yes. i couldn't have possibly been happier," he tugs his bottom lip in between his teeth, and harry knows what happens next in the story and a frown appears on his lips. "i had just gotten a job at a mechanical shop, and the guys that had worked there would always invite me to parties and stuff. i said yeah because i was an idiot, and then i got really into drugs... i wish i never would have done it. i'm okay now, but i was in a lot of danger and i almost ended up in the hospital a lot. your papa saved my life every time. he used to stay up and drive around town looking for me sometimes. i never want to put either of you through that pain ever again..." he drawls on, and he's sure harry's getting bored of the story. but when he looks over, he sees his bright eyes, begging to hear the rest. "i think i was at my worst when your papa got pregnant with you. he didn't tell me right away and when i found out, i was very upset, but i agreed to get help. i didn't want to put you in danger if i could help it... therapy didn't work. i kept going out to see those 'friends' behind papa's back and then me and papa got in a big fight and i ended up leaving. i came back but i ended up in the hospital. we broke up. papa and i agreed to put me in rehab and i spent three months there, where papa came to visit me, and you just kept on growing. he got bigger every time i saw him -- and i'm not saying that's a bad thing -- and i was supposed to be home in time for you to be born but you ended up coming early. i didn't get to see you for a couple of weeks and i cried every day knowing i didn't get to be there for your papa."

"hey, i thought of you the entire time," harry interrupts, kissing the man's temple.

louis smiles at him but it's melancholy. he doesn't fully smile until he looks at their baby and sees her, half-asleep and drooling on his chest. "and this is the part of the story where i ask your papa to be my boyfriend again," he speaks up. he looks toward the boy on his left, a hopeful expression on his face even though he already knows the answer.

harry giggles again and nods rapidly, cupping louis' cheek when they lean forward to kiss each other. "i thought you'd never ask," he whispers, lip worried between his teeth and roseate hue coating his skin.

they both look back at the baby after a minute of just staring at each other, taking their precenses in. louis is the first one to speak to her, even though she's literally just trying to sleep. "well, that's as far as the story goes. for now. i'll most definitely get your papa knocked up again soon."

the curly-haired boy smacks him upside the head. louis presses a short kiss to his forehead and then picks up lennon and sets her down in the portable crib next to the couch.

they sleep on the living room floor. the crippling back pain in the morning is totally worth it.


End file.
